Mike's commentary · The Way Toward Health, Chapter 14

The "Reading Guide" and "Chapter Highlights" for this chapter were summarized by an AI editor based on the main text below; they are not things Mike said during the lecture. The main text comes from Mike's commentary, and the blockquotes are Seth's original words (the portions Mike read aloud).

Introduction

This chapter records Seth's discussion of religion, science, suffering, end-time beliefs, and their relationship to health, pointing out that notions such as might makes right and exchanging pain for future reward harm both body and mind. The latter half turns to Jane's illness and treatment process in her final days: Seth repeatedly offered reassurance and suggestions for recovery; after releasing her guilt toward her mother, Jane briefly regained some physical movement, but ultimately stopped eating and passed away in September 1984. In the afterword, Rob recounts what followed for the Seth material and his own mourning.

Key Points of This Chapter

• Certain beliefs in religion and science, such as might makes right, suffering in exchange for future reward, and end-time punishment, can harm the health of individuals and groups.
• The most optimistic thoughts are the most biologically appropriate, and trusting the body helps with healing.
• After Jane released her guilt toward her mother, her body briefly regained movement, showing that the release of beliefs has a direct effect on the body.
• Seth repeatedly assured Jane that she would return home alive, but Jane eventually stopped eating and died in September 1984.
• In the afterword, Rob explains the subsequent work of organizing and publishing the Seth material, and records his own mourning after Jane's death.

Main Text

The Beginning of Chapter 14

Today we are going to share the first part of Chapter 14 of The Way Toward Health. The title of this chapter is "Nirvana, Right is Might, Onward Christian Soldiers¹, and the Body as a Planet Worth Saving." This part begins on Sunday, June 24, 1984, at 3:23 in the afternoon.

Right at the start, Rob reported on a personal health symptom of his own. He said that since dinner yesterday, a mouth ulcer had made it very hard for him to sleep. When he tried to fall asleep, it was extremely uncomfortable, and he got up three times in the middle of the night, which shows how painful it was. And this morning, it seemed even worse and more painful than before.

To make a long story short, last night I used a pendulum for divination, and the pendulum insisted that because I had not answered letters from fans of the books, I had developed a new mouth sore out of distress.

He had a sense of guilt. This morning, as soon as I got out of bed, I used the pendulum again, and received the same answer: it was still because of guilt and a guilty conscience. Last night it seemed to have little effect, with no change in his health — that is, he saw that he should have been able to get relief, but there was still no change.

But this time, almost immediately after I gave myself some gentle and positive suggestions, I suddenly began to feel better at once.

He gave himself some positive suggestions, meaning gentle suggestions that it was all right not to answer letters from fans of the books. He immediately began to feel better — I knew right away that I would be able to eat breakfast, perhaps not entirely comfortably, but at least I could eat. Before that, he had felt he could not eat, let alone eat breakfast — he could not even sleep.

I felt the swelling begin to subside, as if a balloon had been punctured. While I was shaving, I felt the improvement continuing, again as if by magic.

I thanked my subconscious, grateful for the change in my own subconscious, which allowed my body to change along with it. When I got up this morning, I felt so awful that I considered seeking emergency medical help — I was about to call 911.

You can imagine how severe the symptom must have been for a person to be in so much pain from a mouth ulcer that he needed to call 911. For me, it is a very rare thing. Indeed, the improvement continued all day, and dinner was easier than breakfast and lunch. And once again, I strengthened my confidence in a simple tool — the pendulum. At least for myself, the pendulum is a tool for communicating with my own subconscious.

Through this kind of response in the body's muscles, because muscles are relatively less controlled by the brain. If you enter this pendulum-testing stage, through direct communication and exchange with the body, you can learn some of the information the subconscious is telling you. And when you obtain that information, and you make the corresponding changes, your body will also change accordingly.

We will also teach everyone later to use similar methods — but not through the pendulum; rather, through a kind of response in the body, we obtain a clearing of trapped emotions. We come to clear our trapped emotions.

Jane also had a better day today. Her toothache had lasted two days, and now it was gone.

Seth Begins Dictation

Then Seth came through. Seth said:

Now I wish you a good afternoon again.

We continue the dictation, beginning a new sheet. The title is "Nirvana, Right is Might, Onward Christian Soldiers¹, and the Body as a Planet Worth Saving."

Now begins the formal content.

Few people have any more personal concern with the esoteric circumstances mentioned in our last chapter.

What he means is, many people do not even know about these esoteric circumstances. However, many people have been involved with all kinds of religious concepts and philosophies, whose influence upon personal experience has been quite unfortunate.

Most people occasionally have a bout of poor health, and then they recover, so that overall they achieve a rather comfortable middle state.

Some people's health goes up and down; after a couple of days they feel unwell, and after another couple of days they get better on their own. They also reach a very balanced, indifferent state. But very few people use this to examine some of their underlying belief issues.

But people with strong religious feelings are often plagued by more than the usual amount of poor health and personal difficulties.

People with strong religious feelings have worse health than ordinary people, and they have more difficulties. This is unfortunate and often true, but not always — in most cases it is true.

The fact is that religion has been the vehicle for some of the best ideas humanity has held, but it has also been the stubborn upholder of some of the most troublesome concepts that have tormented humanity.

Religion should have been the transmission of humanity's finest concepts, yet in much of human history it has instead become one of the most troublesome concepts tormenting humanity.

You cannot separate philosophy from life.

What is philosophy? Philosophy is your method and viewpoint for observing the world, how you look at this world — that is called philosophy. Each person observes the world differently, so there are all kinds of philosophies. Therefore you cannot separate philosophy from life; no matter what, you have a basic view of life.

For your thoughts and opinions give your life its meaning and its impetus.

That is, your view of life, your thoughts — these will prompt you to reflect on the meaning and impetus of life.

Some people believe that life is meaningless and purposeless, and that its myriad parts fell together largely through chance.

This scientific viewpoint — that the world was born through some probabilistic coincidences. Obviously here I am speaking of scientific education, the scientific viewpoint. And this scientific education is far more religious, and far less scientific, than it claims. If scientific education is measured against the reality or truth of our world, it is actually less close to reality than religion.

Therefore, because it is believed on faith without evidence, science also hopes that you will believe these viewpoints I am stating simply because you believe in me.

For example, science says that we came about through some extremely small probability — a probability so small that scientists themselves are embarrassed to mention it — and under such a small probability our planet and the life on our planet, including us humans, came into being. In that case, they themselves do not quite believe that so many coincidences could stack together; such coincidences are basically impossible. And yet they hope people will believe these coincidences they speak of, and they cannot produce solid, valid evidence for them, because they do not have enough evidence, so they also hope people will simply believe them. Including the Big Bang theory, they have no evidence at all; it is more of a conjecture.

Such concepts must also color their followers' ideas about the subject matter.

Such scientific concepts or religious concepts will influence these followers' ideas about certain subjects — for example, about sex, about economics, and obviously about views on war and peace.

Every portion of nature is propelled by inner vitality, energy, and an inner life force of its own.

They are propelled by their inner foundation.

If a person believes that he and his work are meaningless, then the body cannot be robust.

This philosophy does not give a person any capital in nature or in the universe; it does not give you any capital. What capital? The capital of believing that you have value and meaning in nature and in the universe, that you do not need to do anything, that you have value and meaning just as you are. But ordinary people are not like this — they feel that if their work is meaningless, then their body cannot be strong. And there is no necessary connection between these things; you do not need your work to be meaningful, your innate inner existence itself is meaning. But many people do not think this way; when their work does not go smoothly or when they feel their work is meaningless, their body also begins to have problems, and this is clearly not right.

That is, having no capital means that you have an initial capital. When you go to a casino, you have to have some gambling money, you have to have some capital. When you come into this three-dimensional world, when you come here to live and to create, do you not need some capital? Your most basic capital is that your existence itself is meaning — that is your capital. Of course, if you are willing to do more things, if you are willing to create more meaningful experiences, that is all fine. But even if you do not do these things, merely this existence itself also has its value and meaning. This is the most basic capital by which your life can continue. And many people feel they do not have this capital, because this philosophical viewpoint tells them — you do not have this capital, you must do something meaningful, otherwise your life has no meaning and your body will have problems.

In any case, all life seems to be heading toward extinction.

The phenomenon we see is that life ultimately all moves toward death.

The whole concept of the soul and life after death, or even of life from one generation to the next, has become largely suspect, to say the least.

Whether our soul is immortal, whether the soul can continue from generation to generation, with only our physical bodies arising and perishing — about this matter, most people harbor great doubt; they are not so certain. This is the reality we face.

In such a philosophical world, a person seems to have no power at all. This is the mainstream thought of our society, our mainstream philosophical view. Within such a mainstream philosophical view, a person seems to have no power, has not received power, has not received the support of the most basic capital.

At 3:43, someone came in to take temperature and so forth, but I did not tell Jane. While Seth was speaking, I actually dozed off twice briefly. While Jane was speaking for Seth, Rob actually fell asleep twice in the middle of it — something he had never done before. Why? Because the previous night he had gotten up three times in the middle of the night and had not slept well; the canker sore tormented him all night.

Through the use of the pendulum this morning, I achieved the feeling of relief from tension and anxiety that I welcomed.

He found this feeling of relief from tension and anxiety. Indeed, this morning I had great difficulty persisting with the work on Dreams, "Evolution," and Value Fulfillment, even when I began to revive with both energy and relaxation, with his work still left undone.

Then I read the last line to Jane, and continued at 4:10.

The Connection Between Ideas and Suicide

Seth said:

Just like the concepts mentioned earlier, they may be connected to the development of a potential suicide, especially a young suicide.

This is very interesting. In our society today, there are many phenomena like this, and they are connected to this very thing. Because these ideas seem to effectively block off a future -- because when a person commits suicide at a very young age, he prevents the occurrence of a future possibility. Why block off the future? Because he feels the future is not interesting, it has no meaning, he cannot find the meaning of living and existing. This is more a consequence brought about by the mainstream thinking of society and the mainstream worldview and philosophical thought.

Therefore, if we as a whole humanity want to achieve greater development and progress, our overall values and worldview -- in other words, our overall philosophical thought -- must undergo a thorough change. If we still hold on to the beliefs and values of the past, this kind of group consciousness, then humanity will find it very difficult to fundamentally reverse and change the problem of suicide among young people.

However, this same concept is so lacking in promise that they often trigger an entirely different kind of reaction.

This feeling makes you think there is no future.

In this, a scientist who was one of the most stubborn and persistent believers in those beliefs suddenly made a complete reframing move.

A scientist who originally insisted on science and opposed these religious ideas suddenly began to oppose science and turn to believing in certain religious faiths. We often see this in our world. The underlying reason, Seth tells us here, is this -- in his scientific research, he could not find the existence of true value and meaning. The more he studied his own so-called scientific views and education, the less he approved of them, discovering that they were simply built on too many assumptions and a blind faith similar to religion. And under this premise, he might suddenly turn.

This can push him into a rather severe schizophrenic reaction.

It is very likely to lead to schizophrenia.

In this, the scientist is now the most fanatical defender of those same concepts he most fanatically rejected.

Just a short time before, he was still strongly and fanatically rejecting them, and suddenly he becomes a fanatical supporter and defender. For him, this is more like a state of schizophrenia -- a person suddenly defending what he had fiercely opposed within a short period of time. The underlying reason is what he said earlier.

There are also some variant situations and states; the situations are different, and the circumstances are also different.

The same kind of sudden conversion may occur when a person who once belittled religious ideas and beliefs suddenly made a different kind of reframing move, and as a result became a born-again Christian.

He never believed in religion before, a thorough materialist, and suddenly one day, without knowing how, he began to believe in religion, and he was even more fanatical and attached than other ordinary believers.

Both of these mechanisms suddenly have a special way of setting the belief system in order, pushing all doubts aside, and instead accepting a strict adherence to a new belief system.

Previously, he held a very skeptical attitude toward these religious ideas, and now he has become a believer who strictly adheres to many religious ideas, a believer with a stricter standard than ordinary people.

You accept that new goal; life itself is a new way of combining.

Life begins again with a new way of combining, life begins with a new meaning -- very interesting.

Then his dictation ended.

Once again, I activate those coordinates that promote your own physical and mental balance and peace in order to accelerate the healing process.

Then he said thank you.

At 4:20, I noticed I still had not taken this medicine. When Jane truly came out of the trance state, he immediately said that usually around 4 o'clock someone would bring the medicine. Sure enough, within just a few minutes, a nurse really did bring the medicine.

At noon today I left home a little earlier so that I would have some extra time to go to room 522 in the hospital to see if Joe Bumbalo was there. But he was not. After leaving Jane, I went once more, and I found him there. We chatted pleasantly for about half an hour. Joe was lying in bed, his eyes closed the entire time, although he alertly followed the content of our conversation. Tomorrow he continues chemotherapy. Two days ago Margaret told me that Joe had returned to the hospital because his blood sugar could not be controlled. Tonight he told me the doctors were using insulin to control his blood sugar so that Joe could receive chemotherapy. When I left home and pulled into the driveway, Joe Bumbalo's son John Bumbalo came out of his garage and brought me a large piece of lemon pie. Because at the hospital Margaret and I had joked about his lemon pie, when I was driving home, he called his son and told him to bring a piece of lemon pie to this Rob.

What was the main idea he conveyed in this earlier session? It is this: the mainstream philosophical views of our current society, whether scientific or religious, have actually not played a positive role in the development of humanity as a whole. They cause us to experience a great deal of pulling and inconsistency in our beliefs, making it easy for us to enter a state of self-schizophrenia. He also pointed out that this is one of the fundamental underlying reasons for suicide among some young people. This is the point he wanted to tell us in this session.

Might Makes Right?

Let's look at the next session. This session is June 26, 1984, Tuesday, 3:31 p.m.

Seth said:

Once again, I wish you a good afternoon.

We continue the dictation.

Might makes right.

This is an English saying, and it can also be written in reverse. The translator notes that this is an English idiom, and the conventional English translation is "might makes right." Its plain meaning is that having power or force means you are right. Here Seth turns it around, saying "right makes might."

Originally, it means that whoever has power has reason, whoever has power is right. But Seth reverses it -- it should not be said that whoever has power therefore has authority and is right; rather, it should be said that whoever has reason therefore has power.

For many centuries it was taken for granted that God was on the side of the greatest, strongest, and richest nations.

Ever since we have had religion, this has basically been the case, whether in the West or the East. God always stands on the side of wealthy nations, as if there were no doubt about it.

If a nation was poor, or downtrodden, it was because God had made it so.

This is a viewpoint of traditional religion. This kind of thinking actually traps people in our chains, promoting slavery and other inhumane acts. We regard this poverty, this trampling and disaster suffered by a nation, as God's punishment upon it -- this is extremely inhumane, rather than actively solving it, we instead take it for granted.

The same unfortunate connotation also applies to the Eastern idea of nirvana, and the Christian idea of heaven. Both have been used by those in power to hold down the masses.

How do they hold them down? By using the promise of future bliss in the after-death world to rationalize or legitimize inferior and inadequate living conditions. It is normal for you to suffer now; only by suffering now can you reach the land of bliss in the future. If you do not suffer today, how will you reach the land of bliss in the future? Your present suffering is because you once had some retribution, some karmic cause and effect in the past; once you eliminate these, you will be able to reach the land of bliss in the future. This method has become a means of oppression and rule used by religion or the ruling class over the broad masses of toiling people. This in itself is very wrong, but they know it perfectly well in their hearts, and they use this method to very effectively control and suppress the people living at the bottom of society -- they make you accept your fate.

There are many differences between the concepts of nirvana and heaven, but each has been used not only to legitimize suffering, but to teach people to seek out pain.

There are all sorts of different viewpoints between Eastern and Western cultures; he only gives two examples for us to see. Among these schools of thought, some go even further -- not only do they make people accept suffering, saying that suffering is reasonable, legitimate, and effective, they also teach the masses to pursue pain. Because there are some esoteric teachings, some esoteric sects, some methods of spiritual practice that make you suffer, that make you torment yourself to the extreme. They believe that only under extreme physical pain can your soul be elevated.

The idea is that the more a person is persecuted and injured, the greater the reward in a future existence.

A reward -- in the East we call it blessed reward, or a kind of recompense.

In this book, I want to avoid concentrating upon the secretive practices, but they do sometimes enter into the subject at hand.

Seth says, I do not want to discuss more of these secret sects' methods of gaining so-called elevation through ascetic practices, but they do often enter into the topics we are discussing.

What he says below is all of a similar kind -- for example, some ascetic practices, excessive fasting, eating only a few grains of rice a day, personal abuse of the body. For example, self-flagellation, and all those ascetic practices, are carried out under the belief that suffering itself is something to be pursued. They believe that suffering itself is to be pursued, deliberately pursuing this suffering, abusing themselves, not allowing themselves to be comfortable. For example, they cannot sleep in a comfortable room, they can only be out in the wild, they cannot even bathe, cannot eat, cannot do this, cannot do that, and so on. They believe that suffering in some way can bring about the elevation of the soul, that it is good, that it can bring greater progress for their next life and their future.

In such a way, pain becomes a goal to be pursued, and pleasure becomes inverted into pain. That is, enjoying pleasure is not allowed and is painful -- you are not allowed to accept anything pleasurable, and if you do accept these pleasures, your bodily feeling should be pain. And when you pursue physical pain, you should instead feel pleasure -- completely inverted. You say, how is this possible? How can people be so foolish? How can they treat the pursuit of pleasure as an extreme pain and punishment? You think it is impossible, right? The fact is exactly like this, reality is exactly like this.

Quite frequently people believe that suffering itself is a method toward personal development and psychic knowledge.

Everyone believes this. Everyone believes that if you do not suffer, if you want to attain some achievement without suffering, it is as if you have not exchanged anything for it, and you will feel uneasy in your heart. When we teach them some particularly simple and particularly effective methods, they often do not believe it -- they think, is it really this simple? Is it really this easy? Do I not need decades of practice and cultivation? Do I not need to observe or carry out some defined exercises and precepts? Because they do not quite believe it.

In terms of health, such beliefs can have the most unfortunate consequences.

That is, the impact on health is the greatest.

As he said earlier, the bodies of many religious believers or fanatically religious people are often not good. It is not as you might imagine that they would be good; they often have to make unnecessary sacrifices of bodily organs in their devout practice, or in terms of bodily protection, or in such a quiet environment their bodies would attain a very good state of health -- no, their state of health is generally worse than that of ordinary people, not better. The reason lies here.

Because deep in their underlying consciousness, they generally want to pursue pain in order to obtain some benefits in the afterlife or some benefits in future spiritual practice, and they do not allow themselves to be happy.

Some people become anxious and worried if they think they are too happy, because to them it means they have not paid enough for their sins.

Many people do not allow themselves to be happy -- can you believe it? You think this is too absurd, right? But in many religious beliefs this is exactly the case -- happiness is not allowed, only asceticism, only austere practice. There is nothing to be happy about. This world tells you that life is suffering from birth, suffering is the theme of life. Life has eight sufferings: birth, aging, sickness, death, and so on. They believe that suffering is the theme of life, and if you do not pursue suffering but pursue happiness, you are going against the way of nature, you are violating the way of heaven. This viewpoint is actually very prevalent. Among the pursuers and followers of these religious beliefs, they do not allow themselves to be happy, and they do not allow others to be happy either, nor do they allow the people around them to be happy. They regard happiness as a kind of sin, and they may be warned by some undeniable dangers -- if you are happy, you will go to hell; if you do not practice well, you will not attain heaven, and so on.

Until finally, once again, they somehow found out their own punishment.

What kind of punishment? They finally made themselves unhappy, finally made themselves suffer. Why? Because when they are so besieged by poor health or illness, they have gotten what they wished for. They are truly unhappy now, truly as if cursed. And at this time they still wonder -- why do they get sick? We are so devoted to God, we are so devoted to the Buddha, we carry out everything according to religious rituals, we are more devoted to this religious faith than ordinary people, so why do we get sick? They are very puzzled. Why do those people outside who live it up, who eat, drink, and make merry, who have no faith at all, not get sick? They suffer, they do not understand. Then they comfort themselves, saying it does not matter, they are happy now, they do not get sick now, but in their next life they will go to hell. Although we suffer now, although we are sick now, once we have finished enduring all these sins, in the future we can be redeemed, we can go to heaven, we can go to the land of bliss. These people hold such a belief, and it is extremely ignorant and laughable.

Such beliefs may affect individuals, and families, and to some extent entire nations.

The severity increases in order.

They directly cut down people's health, survival, and exuberance.

They directly reduce our health, survival, and exuberance, very severely.

Let me give an example, but this example is not quite appropriate, yet I will still give it. For example, in India, people who believe in religion, or who have faith, far outnumber those in other countries. They may believe in different religions, and basically now Hinduism is the main one. Although historically there was a period when they believed in Buddhism, in India today there are very, very few Buddhists, and basically all of India now believes in Hinduism. But no matter what religion they believe in, this is not important; what is important is the result we get or the phenomenon we see -- in the country of India, people's physical health and their lifespan, or the degree of civilization of their entire society, or their level of health, are all inferior to those of other countries, inferior to those countries without faith, inferior to those countries that do not have such a high proportion of believers among their people. My example may not be quite appropriate, but I just want everyone to see that this severe influence can lead to a decline in the overall health of a nation. Because in India there are very many people who practice asceticism, it is very common, and they are very highly revered -- they respect those in society who practice asceticism, whose faces are painted with various colored markings, white and red, and they receive people's respect and support. Under such a mainstream social culture, this leads to the overall poor health of the entire nation.

The constant fear of atomic destruction of the world, or other such disasters, also falls under this heading.

Some modern nations do not have religious problems, but they have what is called an end-times complex. They believe that the Third World War will come very soon, and that sooner or later it will come. When the Third World War comes, nuclear weapons will certainly be used globally, and in that case the entire earth will be destroyed. This is how some modern nations -- nations without a traditional religious background -- use this end-times complex to frighten people, and ultimately it leads to the same problems.

The dictation ended. Because the nurse came to give him his medicine, Jane said it was best to end the session. Then Jane simply stopped.

He said:

Once again, I promote those coordinates of your mental and physical peace, and hasten the healing process.

Then he said thank you.

During the break I told Jane that I had hoped Frank would find his young friend this afternoon to pick up the grass for him, which he had promised this morning, but nothing came of it. When I drove up our driveway, I immediately saw that the grass had not been picked up, and those places looked terrible. Although Frank said he had planted some wildflowers in the yard, which were just beginning to emerge from the straw and grass used as mulch. Jane called at 9:35 p.m., while I was typing up the content of this session.

Regarding this part of the session, he mainly talked about how these concepts of suffering in mainstream social thought cause adverse effects on the health of individuals or of society as a whole. He pointed out the root of it, which is that our society generally accepts this series of erroneous beliefs -- reincarnation, nirvana, retribution, cause and effect, the future being a land of bliss while the present requires suffering, and so on -- and these lead to some underlying problems with our health. Because this book is about the way toward health, he is more concerned with the theme of health, and he points out many underlying health problems that we have never noticed before -- including how the collective beliefs of society also affect our health.

Whether one believes in science or in religion, there will be such problems. Those who believe in science believe that this world was born by chance, and under such uncertainty, life seems to be something very strange or born of coincidence, and it is also very fragile in their worldview, and there is no reasonable evidence for any of this. Those who believe in religion believe that we must go through some suffering and tribulation to wash away the sins and charges we accumulated in past lives, in order to attain heaven and the land of bliss in the next life. All these viewpoints lead people to not dare to pursue happiness, not dare to enjoy the present moment, and even to treat happiness and enjoyment as the number one enemy. Their lives become so twisted, so conflicted. No one is born not wanting to pursue happiness, but the culture, religion, and philosophical thought they have absorbed tells them that they cannot pursue happiness. Such a social phenomenon leads to many underlying problems for us, including the problems of young people, which are also part of this.

Seth's Opening and the Belief in the Day of Judgment

We begin this part on June 27, 1984. That day was a Wednesday, at 3:02 in the afternoon.

Seth came through and said:

Many people have become so convinced, they are convinced of God's final retribution and punishment -- that is, the Day of Judgment. When the world finally comes to an end, there will be a Day of Judgment, and each person will be dealt with accordingly.

Many people then begin to prepare for this event -- not for the end of their own life, but for the day when they arrive at the Day of Judgment. In this life they feel they must do many good deeds, or serve God.

Their lives become a way of escaping pain, rather than a way of pursuing pleasure and satisfaction. This is the biggest problem. The entire tone of their life changes: they are not pursuing happiness and fulfillment, they are escaping pain and escaping punishment.

This is true for individuals, but it also applies to so-called survivalist groups. There are such groups all over the world. They believe survival is of the utmost importance -- they gather in some part of the United States, stockpiling supplies so that they can survive through -- something like a great massacre, a zombie apocalypse, and so on. They also defend their families against those who might steal their food. They have also prepared large quantities of weapons, ammunition, bunkers, and so on. Sometimes they organize themselves, and those who hold these beliefs form a group or an organization. They believe that when the end of the world comes, there will be no rule of law at all, only total chaos, and people will only be able to rely on themselves to protect their families.

Seth says this is the same as believing that God will ultimately punish people:

Most such people anticipate a period of chaos, in which all laws break down.

Social collapse, the collapse of the rule of law -- that is what they anticipate. Another version emphasizes the economic realm: foreseeing that one person's struggle against another will ultimately lead to economic collapse and anarchy. Some people fantasize that the law has broken down and they must protect themselves. Of course, these people believe that any given situation will turn bad, and will be brought to the most tragic outcome. That attitude colors all their other beliefs and actions -- their attitude toward the future, toward the end of the world, influences all their beliefs and actions, and all their beliefs are affected in this direction.

Some use religious doctrine, while others rely on scientific dogma to prove that their arguments are correct. But in every case, they see the world as one of deception and retribution. They have one thing in common: they all believe that this world is deceptive and retaliatory -- they do not trust this world, and they also believe that this world will retaliate against them. Under such circumstances, good mental and physical health are almost impossible to take shape; it is very difficult for both body and mind to develop in a healthy way.

Nuclear Disarmament and Positive Goals

Conversely, in these countries and beyond these countries, some of the most powerful groups are truly, actively, and peacefully gathering together, working for worldwide nuclear disarmament, and setting about dealing with problems such as nuclear waste. Their efforts have also been channeled into other directions: trying to persuade all regions of the world to share their wealth and food equally.

They have indeed achieved quite a lot. For example, there is a worldwide convention on the elimination of nuclear weapons, and many countries around the world have already participated, including the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty², including related regulations on nuclear waste disposal and so on. Internationally there is an atomic energy agency³, which is responsible for verifying the handling of nuclear issues worldwide. Nuclear disarmament has achieved some major accomplishments over the past few decades, including that both the United States and the Soviet Union -- the Soviet Union at the time, now Russia -- have massively destroyed the nuclear weapons they had already built⁴. Both the construction and the destruction of nuclear weapons require enormous amounts of money, and maintaining nuclear weapons without destroying them also requires enormous amounts of money, so they all felt it was unnecessary, and they were very actively reducing their respective nuclear weapons. But later on, with the rise of the new Cold War recently, the two sides did not reach an agreement, and nuclear weapons reduction came to a halt again -- it seems Russia withdrew from the nuclear weapons reduction treaty⁵.

Seth says, these may be extremely ambitious goals, but they are essentially positive, aimed at fulfillment and achievement, a way of emphasizing cooperation and understanding, gathering people's energies together. They all emphasize cooperation among all the countries of the globe, including these hostile countries, for a shared, beautiful future for humanity -- even if you are hostile to one another, you should reduce nuclear weapons, reaching a certain scale according to a certain rhythm and pace.

Once again, the results cannot justify the methods, and therefore no amount of war will ever produce a meaningful peace.

That is, the results can never justify the process -- even your greatest result cannot be said to give your process the room and conditions to do evil.

All Things Interconnected: The Relationship Between Nature and the Individual

Seth goes on to say that these concepts influence every level of life, from the most microscopic all the way up. It is not that plants understand -- in the terms of what you usually call your concepts -- but they do pick up your thoughts, and in the arena of the world's survival, they too are matters of life and death.

These concepts not only influence our own beliefs and our own society, they even influence the environment around us. For example, plants do not understand our human consciousness and thoughts, but they do pick up our consciousness and thoughts on a certain level, and they use the level they themselves can understand to comprehend our human ideas and consciousness. So our thoughts and consciousness, from a certain angle, also influence plants and influence our environment.

Seth also says, I do not mean to romanticize nonhuman life -- I am not saying that plants are nobler or more exalted than human beings, nor do I mean to overestimate their resources. But:

Nature also has its own way, and in that way, it constantly strives toward the survival of life in general.

Nature has its own way of handling this matter well, and within this way of its own, it constantly strives toward the survival of life in general -- not the kind of mutual competition and mutual harm we usually talk about. They strive in the direction of the survival of all life, and do not strive in the direction of mutual destruction.

Nature may not bail you out, but it is always there adding its own vitality and strength to the overall good and health of the planet.

Nature cannot necessarily guarantee that every person will be free from any harm, or guarantee that you will not be affected by this kind of harm among human beings -- each person has their own life trajectory and developmental intent, and each person can choose their own life. Nature respects the individual's will and right to make their own choices. But from the overall perspective, it guarantees that our entire planet is developing in a vigorous and healthy upward direction.

As for the individual -- just like the cells of our entire human body, the cells of this body live and die. As a whole, it does not guarantee that every cell will not die, or that every cell will be absolutely healthy. That is not the issue the whole considers. But the whole does consider the healthy development of the entire planet. And as an individual, one is also influenced by the trend of this whole -- the whole is moving toward the good, but that does not rule out the individual having their own choices and their own developmental trajectory and cycles within this.

Viruses, Microorganisms, and Optimistic Thoughts

Seth says, remember what I said earlier about the connection between disease and non-disease states. He had been discussing: why do some people get sick, and why do some people have health problems.

Communication flashes between viruses and microorganisms.

It is this communication among all things. Whether viruses or microorganisms, this kind of communication occurs between them, and they can change in an instant. One second they are harmful to you, and the next second they may become beneficial to you; the reverse is also true -- one second a virus may do you no harm at all, and the next second it may become a deadly virus. And these changes are all accomplished in an instant.

So once again:

The most optimistic thoughts are biologically the most appropriate.

What does it ultimately say? That kind of optimistic thought is the most suitable, it is the measure your living organism should most adopt. If you ask what kind of thought is most beneficial to your health, it is these optimistic thoughts.

Then he says to take a break, to continue at 3:52. The voice really was somewhat stronger, and his pace was a little quicker.

Extreme Dietary Obsessions

Seth again talked about some extreme practices regarding food and rest -- for example, some people overeat, and some people are obsessed with so-called natural diets. I have seen people like this, extremely obsessed. At first he says, I only eat natural food. Then later he says, I only eat natural food from certain places. Then later he says, I only eat natural food grown by people with good energy. Then later it becomes: I only eat specific food that I myself grow in specific places. I will not eat anything grown by others, because their energy is not good. The most extreme case I have seen was exactly like this.

These people only eat food they grow themselves, and when cooking they add no seasonings at all. They believe all these added things are bad and unhealthy, so the food they make has no oil, no salt, no seasonings, nothing at all. Sometimes they do add a small amount of salt, but even the salt they use is extremely particular -- so-called pink salt from the high mountains of the Himalayas, all kinds of requirements, and so on. They are convinced that the food they make themselves is the best.

As for those with eating problems, I will not go into detail -- some people, in order to reach a certain state, can even stop eating these foods altogether.

I am not speaking of a purely natural and healthy interest in food, but of a troublesome and excessive concern.

I am not saying that some people purely and naturally like to eat certain kinds and dislike eating other kinds. I am not talking about that kind of natural preference, but rather that kind of compulsive, brain-limited special demand regarding food. They are excessively concerned about food, believing that food can solve all problems, that food is the key issue.

They ignore the fact that the human body is far wiser than you are. The body will select the nutrients it needs from what you eat, and your body knows what you need and what you should eat. But we impose artificial and excessive concern, completely controlling what we should and should not eat. This often goes so far that it is as if no food is completely satisfying -- at first he was not that extreme, but later he became more and more extreme, until in the end no food was acceptable, nothing met his requirements. And the focus became concentrated on fear of food -- fear of ordinary food, rather than on its benefits. Food has its benefits, but he only sees fear of food: worrying about pesticide residue, worrying about genetically modified organisms, worrying about this, worrying about that.

The concept behind many such attitudes is that the body itself is worthless, and that starving it somehow reduces the appetites of the flesh.

Their underlying belief is that the body does not matter -- the body is just a shell, just a vehicle, and the body is not important. And letting the body go hungry can reduce its desires -- the craving for delicious food, the pursuit of sexual pleasure. They believe all of this can be suppressed by reducing food intake, or by eating only certain kinds of food.

You usually end up with a confusing conglomeration of different kinds of diets.

If such a person does not reach that extreme state, he will end up more and more confused -- for a while eating this, for another while eating that, and then setting up a very strange dietary method for himself. In the end, this person will live according to a dietary recipe or dietary pattern that ordinary people cannot understand. Some focus almost entirely on protein, eating only protein; some focus on carbohydrates, especially rice.

But in any case, the great variety of foods and nutrients available within nature's range is cut out.

Nature is so abundant and so diverse, and our food should be diverse, but instead he eats only a single kind of food. This keeps a person's body in a constant state of turmoil -- your body should be getting nutrition from a variety of foods, but you eat only a single kind of food, so the body falls into chaos.

In fact, some people are so convinced that eating is wrong -- they believe eating itself is wrong, that it leads to the arising of desires. What do they do? They starve themselves to the extreme. When starved to the extreme, a person cannot really eat much, but psychologically he is hungry. Then he gorges himself, but at that point his body cannot take it, and then he vomits -- whether by sticking his finger down his throat or vomiting naturally, he throws the food back up. He satisfies the oral craving for food, but in his cognition, he has not actually taken the food in. There really are such people, very strange.

Others, with the good intention of watching their weight, skip breakfast entirely -- never eating breakfast. This is a very poor program.

Eating moderate amounts of all the foods within the food range, and eating smaller meals more often, is far better.

Seth's suggestion is: eat smaller meals more often, and eat as wide a variety of foods as possible -- within the range of what you can eat, eat as many kinds of food as possible.

I also understand that your social customs also dictate your eating habits -- each cultural background has its own different requirements regarding eating. For example, in some Islamic countries, they have Ramadan, during which they do not eat anything during the day, and can only eat after the sun sets, after it gets dark. This is part of their ethnic culture or religious belief. Then Seth suggests:

Four light meals a day would overall be very good for you, and give the body a steadier, more regular nourishment.

Seth suggests eating four meals a day, but eating a little less each time. The fourth meal should be added in the evening -- because according to Seth's method of sleep and rest, one goes to bed relatively late at night, and generally a person only needs about six hours of sleep. People usually go to bed around 12 or 1 or 2 at night, and get up around 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 in the morning. In that case, adding a light meal at night is very good. Do not eat too much at each meal, but you can eat one more meal.

Or when you are hungry, just eat a little less -- do not insist on three meals a day, eating a lot at each meal. The gaps between the three meals are also too long -- according to a normal eating schedule, dinner is eaten around 6 or 7 in the evening, but if you go to bed at 12 and get up at 6 or 7 the next morning, there will be an interval of more than 12 hours in between. And the intervals between the earlier three meals are too short -- from breakfast at 7 or 8 to noon is only about four hours, and then to 6 or 7 in the evening is about six hours. This timing is irregular. He suggests averaging it out, or simply eating a little less when you are hungry.

These food concepts are important, because they are passed on from parents to children, and parents often use food as a method of rewarding a child for good behavior, thus starting the child on the way toward a condition of overweight.

Some children weigh more than normal children. One possibility is that when they were young, their parents used food as a reward -- if you behave well, you will be rewarded with something good to eat. In this way, before the child has formed correct beliefs and values, he will tend toward obtaining more food, and then his body gradually becomes overweight. So parents should never use food as a means of rewarding or punishing a child. Let a child eat normally when it comes to food, and do not give him extra rewards or extra punishments.

Then he said the dictation was over:

I wish you a good afternoon. I have initiated those coordinates that promote your own peace of mind and body, and hasten the healing process.

Then he said thank you. At 4:10, the session ended.

July 4: The Doctor's Phone Call and the Body's Deterioration

Let us look at the next session, July 4, 1984, Wednesday, 4:04 p.m.

This morning I received a very distressing phone call from Jeff Kard -- the actual attending physician. He was also troubled -- Jane these days seems far more uncomfortable than before, say, two months ago. He does not want Jane to suffer. This time Jeff did not suggest antibiotics, but told me that the ulcers on Jane's right knee and left hand would not heal on their own, and that the new lump above her right shoulder might turn into another such ulcer or festering sore.

Rob says the doctor believes Jane has a migrating infection, and he hopes it does not enter Jane's bloodstream. I had suspected the same thing. Then Jeff said Jane's knee needed an operation to correct its condition.

Of course after that phone call I had many questions. I felt sad for Jane and for what has been happening between the two of us, and I was also angry at the role he had chosen -- he is angry, and even when I think I basically understand him, he is still angry.

When Jeff called, I was reading the last part of the first section of Jane's book The Individual and the Nature of Mass Events, the part from April 18, 1977, which was a note written for Dreams, "Evolution," and Value Fulfillment -- that passage talks about death and suicide, that natural death is nothing other than that, and how we keep using medicine to interfere with people's chosen time of death. That is, this person already wanted to die, but medicine would not let him die.

He says it is hard to call this a coincidence -- that he came across such content at this time. Because he thought of Jane's situation: he was wondering whether Jane also had this kind of will, whether she actually already wanted to leave, but the medical approach would not let her leave. This was his point of concern.

In interpreting these passages, I saw that if it had been up to Jane's own choice, she would have died two years ago. But her plan was interfered with by me and the doctors and the hospital staff. Although she obviously played an indispensable role in keeping herself alive -- that is of course true -- I believe that act came after her own natural choice of death time had been overturned, and then she began to play a new role, which was not letting herself live, keeping herself alive. Because after her original wish to choose her death time naturally had been overturned, she could then have another kind of new role to play. In other words, she changed her mind; otherwise nothing could have kept her alive, and no treatment would have worked.

What he means is that Jane had actually decided two years ago that she wanted to leave, but because of Rob's and the hospital's intervention and insistence, she has kept going until now, and Jane also changed her mind.

The Guilty Self

Rob was also angry because for quite a while now Jane had not let any material about him come through -- in these recent months, Jane had not let Seth talk about these personal issues concerning him again. One reason was that earlier on, at the very beginning of this book, they had talked too much about Jane's problems. Then they reached an agreement: if too much attention was focused on Jane's health, it would actually be detrimental to Jane's health. One of the better approaches was to stop talking about Jane or emphasizing Jane's health issues, and instead let Jane do the normal transmission of this book -- that is, the content of The Way Toward Health -- in the usual way, which might be more meaningful for Jane's health.

At that time they reached a consensus, and since then they had hardly talked about any personalized advice regarding the specific recovery of Jane's body. And Rob felt that it was not that Seth would not talk about it, but that Jane did not want to talk about it. Jane, as the transmitter and channel of this material, at times had a great deal of decision-making power -- in her mind or in her thinking, when Seth transmitted certain material, she could choose not to speak it or to block out that part of the material. So Rob was actually quite angry: why would Jane not talk about her personal issues anymore, why would she not let Seth talk about them.

I think this means that the guilty self of his has once again tightened up the prospects.

That is, its control over him had tightened, not allowing him to reach those underlying beliefs anymore -- it did not want him to recover.

The guilty self did not want him to recover. So what was the biggest problem? Why would that part of the self continue its terrible destructive ways, even to the point of bringing about his own death -- because if that were the case, death would be his final outcome. And if the guilty self were allowed to operate completely, then it would certainly be death. And death would also bring about -- the part of the guilty self would also, along with the path they had chosen, reach the final step, and it would die too.

Rob said he did not understand why the guilty self had to bring about its own death by causing Jane's death -- because it was also a part of Jane. That was the part Rob did not understand.

Rob had also thought about it for quite a while. Jane had a dilemma regarding reincarnation -- whether to go or not to go, whether to leave or to stay, it was a dilemma. There might be some clues, but Seth had never gone deeply into that point, and it was not permitted -- Seth never talked about Jane's reincarnation, her next life, whether there was a next life, and so on. He said that perhaps there was a certain scope and permission regarding this kind of information, that he could not involve himself too much in it, or that he could not, because of Seth, reveal these future matters concerning Jane and Rob, and thereby change or influence their lives. He still had to respect the spontaneity of these two people, and their choices regarding their own life paths. Seth could influence and change the beliefs of these two people as a way of letting them make their own choices and changes, but he would not influence their lives by excessively revealing future information. This was the most basic integrity of Seth, or of any spiritual master or teacher -- he would not excessively reveal a person's past lives, present life, or future matters; he did not want to interfere with that person's life.

Rob and Jane's Long Talk

Rob said, I brought The Individual and the Nature of Mass Events to Room 330. Jane was slightly better, yet still uncomfortable. He could swallow some medicine and keep it down, but he was very careful with food. I forgot to make him a corned beef sandwich I had promised, and he had been counting on it for dinner. Georgia had told him Jeff had called me, and his version of that call was indeed pessimistic.

Jane understood Jeff's concern. His attending physician Jeff suggested we do nothing for the time being, while he monitored Jane's condition. His temperature fluctuated, but generally it was acceptable. Yesterday afternoon it was 100 degrees, but after dinner it dropped to 98.7, and this morning it was quite a bit lower. I told him the swelling in his right shoulder looked considerably reduced, but his cheek was still swollen, and somewhat blotchy. Jeff noticed this morning, and a little later in the afternoon, the cheek and shoulder both looked much better, and Jane also seemed improved.

Yesterday I told Jane, I know his body is up to something, but what exactly? I don't know. I said I hoped it was not another one of his situations—improving on one hand while deteriorating on the other. Over the years, I had grown accustomed to being angry about the church business—Rob had often been angry and lost his temper over it, because he could see Jane getting better on one hand, while on the other hand preventing himself from getting better, sabotaging himself.

He said we had a long talk. I said I wanted information about whether he wanted to live or wanted to die—I wanted Jane to tell him clearly, do you want to live or do you want to die? Or was he, consistent with the information in The Individual and the Nature of Mass Events, trying to carry out his own natural death—that is, letting his body go naturally, dying when the body should die, without changing his beliefs anymore, simply accepting his fate. I wanted to know which idea he actually held.

I wanted to know how his guilty self thought about what it was doing to Jane's body—whether it cared, or even understood, that its protective behavior was threatening its own survival. He wanted to ask that other personality of Jane's guilty self: was it destroying Jane's health merely to protect its own existence—because the guilty self had its own belief, and in order to protect its own belief and its own existence, it would destroy Jane's health in this way, and this would also affect and threaten its own existence. He wanted to ask what that part of Jane was really thinking—or was Jane's death, after all, the guilty self's ultimate goal? Did the guilty self actually want Jane to die?

I said this situation must be a common one—I felt I had hit on something here, but I wasn't sure what, something closer to a more fundamental human condition, yet one of those things rarely understood.

I told Jane, if we were blaming that part of himself for his condition—after all, it was actually the most real, the simplest, and the most honest part—if the role of natural death he brought about was being overturned by the meddling and interference of our conscious minds, it would be a joke. This is true: his conscious mind wanted a normal death, and then they meddled and interfered, and overturned his natural death again. He said, was this actually the joke? What was the truth?

He just wanted to ask which one it was: did Jane want to die two years ago, and was it delayed until now by him or by medical influence? Or did Jane's guilty self want Jane to die? Or did Jane really want to live—Jane did not want to die? You say how could Jane possibly want to die, but just ask him yourself; you cannot tell this from his surface.

And here Rob was actually confused. He did not know Jane's real thoughts, or the real thoughts of another part of Jane.

The afternoon passed. Jane did not hold a session, but he cried several times while we talked. I think it was mostly because he might never be able to go home again, never see the house and the land again, and so on. I felt like crying myself, so I thought he was right—he might never go back.

He said his mind was too disturbed to hold a session. I said I wanted to talk about his stuff, I said I wanted to stop talking about the book again, and talk about Jane's own issues instead—he said he had been holding longer sessions in order to get information he could use on himself, and he tried to make use of it every day.

Jane said, you misunderstand me—I am not saying I don't want to talk about myself, or that I don't want to get effective information from Seth. He said, the reason I hold such long sessions is precisely to get useful information from Seth to apply to myself—Jane said, I am not saying I want to avoid this matter.

This was news to me—Rob had never thought Jane felt this way. I also said perhaps he was trying too hard. But by 4:25, he still had not held a session, and I did not think he would today.

We also discussed Jane's fear: that he had done everything he could in this life, and therefore was ready to take his bow and leave the stage—they were discussing whether everything Jane was supposed to do in this lifetime had been done, and whether it was time to leave. I told him, if he wanted to leave, I could not and would not try to hold him back. He said there was no way to hold him back, and I would not hold him back, I would respect his choice—this was what Rob wanted to tell Jane: do not stay here suffering for Rob's sake, wanting to leave but unable to leave. Rob actually told him, if you really want to leave, then leave. And I would never again keep him tied to the doctors—that is, I would not, when he was near death, use emergency measures again, like cutting open the trachea, or CPR.

He said, if he wanted to die again, I would not hold him back or keep him here, and I would not want others to do that to me either—Rob said, when I am about to die, I would not let others resuscitate me either.

And during all this time we talked, I could not help but miss—I simply could not understand why he was doing what he was doing; he could not understand, he could not truly comprehend. I also had not forgotten Seth's statement from a few months ago, that basically neither of us had done anything wrong—Seth's meaning was, stop blaming yourselves, thinking you did something wrong that caused the deterioration of Jane's condition.

But we were so afraid and unwilling to face or understand, contrary to what we had been taught about the concept of death—they were so afraid and unwilling to face and understand, contrary to the beliefs about death they had been taught, which were completely different from their own views, that we would do almost anything to ourselves to stop nature and its natural and creative way from operating.

How can we really resist what has been instilled in us since birth? It is all our concepts of death—the traditional mainstream social ones are completely different from what Seth transmits. Even though Seth has his own demonstrations and movements regarding life, health, and death, our traditional concepts are still extremely powerful. So it causes Jane, on this issue, to be caught in this dilemma—on one hand he believes what Seth says, on the other hand the traditional concepts have a very strong influence on him.

The List of Give-ups and the Outburst About Reading

Then during our conversation, Rob brought up a long list -- from his point of view, the things Jane had given up over the years, under the direction of that part of the personality that had now completely taken control, that part which was never satisfied. Rob pointed out which things Jane had given up, including things that might have had some positive effect on her health. Rob was probably actually a bit angry, and he finally stated: Jane actually could have done some things -- that part had complete control over the personality, but it did not do them, it was giving up. This kind of giving up might have led to Jane's current physical condition.

But now the situation was beyond saving, and doing anything more was useless. Because she had already given up so much, except that she was bedridden -- and these days she could not even do that peacefully, being tormented by the pain of this illness all over her body.

She was giving up all that reading. Even with the new glasses we had so eagerly gotten from Jim Baker's place, the reading rack I had made for her sat idle in the closet of Room 330 -- Jane had only used it once. She said that because of the longer sessions, she had no time to use it or to read anything.

In the afternoon I asked her why she did not read more to stay connected with the world -- and then I got quite a reaction from her. I said, why don't you read more? To know what is happening in the world? And then Jane suddenly got angry, and she shouted: If you tell me to do it, he would read more -- Jane said, if you insist that I read, then I will read.

Then Rob laughed -- for the first time today, he laughed. I said and told him: it was only because I wanted him to read more that he said that, and not because he himself suggested doing it. Rob said, it should be that you yourself want to read -- if I have to tell you to read, then you don't want to read, and it's no use.

Rob laughed, because Jane's reaction was especially strong. Later she did suggest that I bring her some reading material -- bring her something to read. I told her that The Individual and the Nature of Mass Events is still a great book -- this book is good, you can read it. Then Jane said, then why is it not a household name? Why not? If this book is so good and so useful, why is it not known in every household?

Then I had no answer -- no answer. This question actually got to the essence of the matter: these things that are often the truths of the world are often not popular. This is very interesting. Whether it is quantum mechanics, which scientifically comes closer to the essence of reality, it is not a household name; these things like the Seth material, which are also very close to the essence of the world's truth, are not either; some of China's excellent traditional culture⁶ also reveals many truths of the world, but these things are not popular either. The things that are truly popular do not necessarily explain the truths of the world.

At the tail end of her outburst about reading, Jane ended up saying something important -- something very important: that her not reading was another example of something she had done wrong. And that was exactly what we were talking about, wasn't it? -- not reading was one of the things she had given up, all those things I did wrong. Rob said, Jane, you have realized it too -- exactly right.

When I said I would not bother her about reading anymore, she said I sounded like a preacher -- Rob said, fine, I won't bother you anymore; read if you want to, don't read if you don't want to. Jane said, the way you say that makes you sound like a preacher -- as if Rob was starting to give up on Jane.

Then how can a person win in such a situation? When either side is denied.

Rob said, how can a person overcome illness under such a belief? I said, I suggest you read and you blow up, and then you say this is also part of what I might have done wrong -- I said, if you read, you object; if I say don't read, do as you please -- then which one do you actually want? The above example is just one very simple example -- Rob listed it here precisely to show Jane how much she was being pulled back and forth in her beliefs, how nothing was right, how nothing worked.

Seth's Brief Session: Trust in the Body

It is useless to do all the things involved in showing the complex chain of events that has occurred since June 28th; Jane is still very ill. Today I was surprised when he said he would try to have a session. Occasionally his voice was especially weak, and I had to ask him to repeat words or sentences; his voice was especially weak. Then Jane said I will skip the opening remarks -- he did not have the strength to say that much.

Then Seth said:

Once again the subject involves trust in the body.

Again, the whole topic we have been discussing is the question of whether or not to trust the body.

The condition itself is an unfortunate aspect of the hospital environment, but you jumped to conclusions involving the worst-case scenario. In your terms, Ruburt is indeed afflicted with flu-like symptoms, but the immeasurable fear added on top of that has prolonged his condition.

Seth said that for Jane, it is your trust in the body that allows you to heal. And Jane now does not trust his body -- he actually just caught the flu, including the fever and all those symptoms. But because of the fear of these bodily changes added on top of the flu, the condition has been unable to improve for a long time, and the longer it fails to improve, the more fearful he becomes. This is the state of his body. Jane actually -- Seth was giving Jane a reassurance.

Then the session ended, very short -- this was basically probably the shortest session ever. Then thank you, it ended at 4:07, basically just one sentence was said. This is the second part of Chapter 14, and with regard to this part, we will end here.

Poem: Conversing with Life from the Sickbed

In mid-July 1984, Jane had almost no strength left to transmit the Seth material, so she began using her own poetry to express her inner state. These poems are the whispers from the depths of her soul -- about nature, about life, about this world she loved so much.

Outside my house there are some sparrows and a myna bird, outside my door, there may also be a crow or a rabbit, and knowing they are there is good.

The small woods are still at the side edge, and the chipmunks and squirrels run about freely, knowing at dusk that it is all there is good.

She was recalling the situation at home, recalling the beauty of nature, the beauty of life, the beauty of the environment.

A breeze blows through the trees at the side, and the fragrance of the earth passes through the screen window, there is a promise in the air, it reminds me of my girlhood, and the dreams that floated there.

This poem is very romantic. The fragrance of the earth and the scent of the leaves reminded her of her girlhood -- those floating dreams from the time when her life force was at its strongest. All her beautiful dreams about life and about the world were reawakened through the presence of this natural vitality.

On July 18, she wrote again:

I look forward to autumn, it is not far away now, and I want to live -- fully, in the flesh, as I once was, as I once had been -- and let autumn's swiftness carry all my life to a new ascent of wisdom, knowledge, and the power of time.

She did not want to die; she wanted to live. She wanted autumn to carry all her life toward a new ascent of wisdom, knowledge, and strength.

I do not want to die yet, that is as clear as any purpose I have ever had. I do not want to die, and I want to wake and live easily through my physical body.

With a touch of chivalry and love, there is wind on the steep mountains. No matter where they actually are, knowing that the universe sings, even in places I have never been, is good.

There are adventures ascending around the moon, and shadows leaping like wild donkeys, in a howling and curling world, everywhere because everywhere is magic.

And he has danced, and seen the rugged thoughts in my mind, a secret life spins through my cells, and there a new morning happens, in all parts of my body, keeping me alive, while curious and wandering.

Alive, curious, and passing through the countless small paths of my nature.

On July 22, she wrote another very interesting poem -- using a dialogue between Mr. Wangui (she wrote "Wangui," but it should be "Mr. Bear") and Mr. Bear as a metaphor for the dialogue between the rigid part of her body and another part of her personality:

Wangui said, Mr. Bear, I have many little cakes and little cookies, I want to share them with you, just you and me, and then we will have a little party, perhaps, and perhaps sing some songs.

Then Bear said, oh my, hold on Mr. Wangui, although I am sure your intentions are good, but I bet you are sometimes a very hard fellow to manage, for a creature made of such lovely wood, I know somewhere around here you have a trick, although I am not clever, so you eat your little cookies alone, but God bless your heart, dear.

Mr. Wangui is made of wood -- stiff, rigid, hard, yet alive. Jane used him to allude to that rigid, immobile part of her personality within her body. That part wanted to say to another part of her personality: "Come, let us have a little party, let us play together, let us sing together." But the other part said: "No, no, I can see this is a trick, although I do not know what the trick is, I am not that clever, but I can choose not to play with you. You eat your little cookies by yourself, and may you bless your own heart."

She also had another poem:

I would rather sit outside, with a cat in the sun, where all the secrets are free, and dance on the small path, showing off the sweet woolly flowers, and chasing the early fireflies, and leaping over the rare and clever mountain scenes, where the air is bright and free.

Then take out a telescope and gaze with eager wild thoughts, then we raise our glasses in celebration, we raise our glasses to the cat and the flowers and the rainbow and the lilac tree, then may you have a lovely morning, and smile at the mountains, because every day is indeed the most beautiful day you will ever have.

She was feeling the beauty of nature, singing and praising this morning on a morning, praising every day that we have.

The next poem speaks of the sense of connection among all things:

The air has the memory of every place it has ever been, because the coldest air of the North Pole remembers the palm trees and the warm breezes, and the breeze that blows through the forests of Maine, remembers the southern nights that glittered long, long ago off the coast of southern France.

The winds of the whole world are one, and within the wind there is all memory. If you can feel it, you can feel the beauty of the whole world from the wind.

On July 25, she wrote another poem -- the Frog Queen:

After digging, she adjusted her crown, summoning the best prince in the kingdom, and while he waited, she massaged her beautifully trimmed toes.

She said, I send you on a most mysterious mission, because I want to collect the loveliest nights and days to decorate the walls of our kingdom, we will have the most magnificent gallery the world has ever known, we can meditate there on the glowing nights and days, and keep them for ourselves.

The prince blinked and said, dear lovely Queen, you must not do that, because the world would cry itself to sleep, and soon die of a broken heart, for now the beauty of nature belongs to all of us.

The Queen wanted to take all the days and nights for herself to decorate her kingdom. The prince said no -- if you take away all the days and nights, the rest of the world will have none, and everyone will weep. The beauty of nature belongs to everyone, and no one can steal it away, because it exists in the world of the mind. The beauty of the world exists within every person's heart, and no thief can steal it.

July 27:

Suppose there is a hole punched in the air far away, in a place no one knows, I bet someone will patch it from the other side, so that it can hold for another hundred years.

She was talking about our deeper consciousness, the subconscious -- or in other dimensions, within the frameworks, it can be repaired, although perhaps not repaired in this world of ours.

On July 30, Jane dictated her last poem. Rob said she asked him to turn down the TV volume and take out a notepad. The poem went like this:

He has a message in a mailbox, just for me to see, he may be in front of some pasture, hidden in Ohio, or perhaps in some mailbox by the sea, where he has been for generations, waiting only for me, for him alone.

But he may be farther, waiting for me near and far, in the place where my life and the message sing the same song of life.

Ohio is a very wide agricultural state in America. She said the message might be on some farm in Ohio, or in some mailbox by the sea. But then she said it should be in a place even closer to me -- in the place where my life and the message sing the same song of life. What was that message? It was the message that she could recover, the message of life, the message of life force. As long as she once again sang her song of life, that message would be very close to her.

Rob asked Jane if she wanted him to read it back to her, and she said no. Rob told her he liked these poems, but in looking back, he saw that these poems revealed far more of her true feelings than he had initially understood. He was certain that Jane was indeed grappling with the question of whether she would live or die.

The Final Blessing: Whether in Life or Death, You Are Forever in Grace

After that evening, Jane began holding sessions again. Rob was surprised -- she said she did not know whether she could hold a session, or how long she could manage, but she said she would try. After reading her poetry and the new dictation, Rob read the last three sessions of The Way Toward Health from June 24, 26, and 27 aloud to Jane. Seth's voice was only ordinary in volume, but it transmitted very well.

Seth said:

In any case, within each person, regardless of his age or circumstances, there is new life growing and maturing.

No matter how bad the circumstances, no matter how deteriorated the body, no matter how old one is -- there is new life growing and maturing. It is the same for every person, without exception.

The concept of survival extends far beyond the experience of this life.

Survival is the fundamental law of the entire universe, the law of all nature. It extends beyond your life; before you were born, and even after you are born, your survival is a law of the universe.

And each person has a new physical and psychic existence ready and prepared at all times.

Because there is the belief in survival, you will prepare a new good body and a brand-new psychic existence. The entire new body and new psyche can be generated anew. So there is no need to worry about your ability to heal or your capacity to recover life, because there is no such thing as extinction.

Whether in ordinary terms you are alive or dead, you are always conscious, always aware. Everything is your own, and you are always part of the universal adventure, regardless of your state of consciousness, you are always in it.

Whether you are alive or dead, according to the terms of our three-dimensional world, in truth you are always alive, always conscious, always aware. You are always your own, always part of the universal cooperative adventure, whether you are in the so-called state of life or death.

You are supported, never abandoned, and there is always the great and intimate presence of All That Is, lovingly supporting you -- his love forms your breath, your life, including your death, for within it the unknown divinity is forever blessed and forever known.

Whether you live or die, you will always receive the eternal care and support of All That Is. He is the known and the unknown, forming all stages of creation, and you are held within him, loved and cherished as part of the sacred structure of All That Is.

This passage, Seth spoke to everyone, but within it he was also speaking to Jane. Because he could sense that Jane might truly leave this world. Before she left, Seth gave her a final blessing, a closing statement: do not be concerned with Jane's life and death; whether in life or death, All That Is's grace and care for her has never departed for even an instant, not for one second.

He was giving Jane one last reassurance -- even if she left, she should leave carrying this sense of grace. In another state of consciousness, accept the embrace and grace of All That Is, accept his protection, just as you accepted his protection while alive.

After a four-minute pause, the session ended -- at 4:09 p.m. This could essentially be considered the closing statement of the entire book.

Jane said: "You know, that could be the end of the book, or I might say a little more."

Then she spoke a very important passage -- she said:

No matter what happens, I hope all the material will be published someday, if possible, not to place a burden on you, but perhaps if you cannot do it, you can find some help.

Jane could sense that this statement was actually Seth's final statement on the book. She was almost giving her last words, her final wishes. Her final wish was that all of the Seth material be published -- all of it, with nothing held back, not even a single sentence, not even a single word.

But she also knew the workload was enormous. We know that up to now, including The Way Toward Health, only nine books of the Seth material have been published.⁷ Yet the entire Seth material consists of 31 books.⁸ The book Dreams, "Evolution," and Value Fulfillment -- Rob is still struggling with it to this day, not to mention the other twenty-plus books that have never been planned for publication. Two-thirds of the material has never been planned for publication⁹, and even the remaining one-third has still not been fully published.

The workload is immense. But as Jane was finally about to leave this world, she realized the importance and significance of the Seth material. She hoped Rob could fulfill her wish within his lifetime. If you cannot finish it, you can find some people to help you -- she did not want to place a burden on him.

Rob felt a little sad and asked her: "What brought this on?"

Jane said quite matter-of-factly:

I don't know whether I will live or die, what my own consciousness will decide, I will be whatever I will be, and I respect my own choice.

Rob said: "Whether you want to live or die, I know you have thought it all through. Since you stopped eating around July 4th, it has been quite obvious to me."

She had barely eaten anything since July 4th; clearly she no longer wanted to live. All afternoon Rob felt like crying from time to time, as he became more and more certain that Jane was truly thinking the whole thing through carefully.

Jane smoked a cigarette, and they talked until about 4:40 p.m. Jane said she treasured every day they had spent together since their marriage. In the thirty years of their marriage, they had never been apart for more than four or five days -- not even that much in total.

Rob said perhaps he could not publish all the material on his own, and that he probably would not marry again. Jane suggested that he could get together with their good friend Sue -- Sue Watkins, who was also very knowledgeable about the Seth material and could help him complete the work. Rob said he did not want to marry again, and he also felt Sue might not be willing to marry him, since he was much older than Sue.

Jane was arranging Rob's affairs after her passing. She was entrusting him to her good friend, her close confidante.

Rob said he wished they had never left Sayre -- the city where they first met and lived. Jane agreed.

She instructed that her body not be autopsied -- that they not investigate what illness she actually had. When asked whether she preferred burial or cremation, she expressed no strong opinion about either option; it did not matter. In the end they chose cremation -- perhaps because Rob said, what if a few years after her burial he wanted to move out of town to live somewhere else. She had not thought of that. As far as she knew, her maternal grandparents and others were buried in Saratoga, though they were not sure where her mother was buried; they guessed her father Del was buried somewhere in Florida, but they did not know where either.

After Rob turned her over, when he wanted to tell her how much he loved her, he could not help crying. Jane cried too. Despite all the signs accumulated over the years, and though it was a slow process, and though he knew Jane might leave one day, he still could not believe this was actually happening. The significance and impact of today's session made things very clear -- Jane had reached the final stage of her life.

She had stopped eating since July 4th, and by now it was July 17th; two weeks had passed, and she had not eaten any solid food.

After Rob settled her in, he found a comfortable position to sit and take his customary afternoon nap, but he really did not sleep much -- he was deeply sorrowful.

Jane said how much she loved nature, and how much she wanted to see the house and their cats one more time. Rob told her about four deer -- three bucks and a doe -- that they had seen in the backyard that morning, nibbling bit by bit at the so-called wildflower garden. Some snow-red cherry blossoms had now bloomed.

Jane ate a little of several things for dinner, much as she had done in recent days. This was actually a great improvement for her -- even though she only ate a tiny bit, because since around July 4th, with few exceptions, she had not eaten any solid food, only what could be called "a few crumbs."

As July passed, watching her behavior, Rob could see that she truly wanted to starve herself to death, and that if she continued she would die. She had lost many pounds; her arms looked like skeletons, and to a lesser extent her legs too -- just skin and bones. She had begun to actively seek to leave this world by starving herself.

Her internal illness was extremely painful, but not enough to kill her. But if she refused to eat, if she actively wanted to starve herself, then no one could help her. Her symptom was not that she did not want to eat, but that after eating she would vomit and feel nauseated, so she could not eat much of anything.

After dinner Rob discovered several things: a few days earlier the nurses had told Jane that whenever she needed it, she could have morphine, administered by injection, to relieve her pain and suffering. She also said that yesterday she had resumed taking her thyroid medication -- she had stopped it on July 4th, the day of the last short session. She also revealed that she had not gone to hydrotherapy for three days, and had to admit defeat and go back -- because the whole process of transporting her to hydrotherapy also caused her pain.

Rob read the session to her at 6:55 p.m. Jane said: "Well done, well, that's it, that's the ending."

Jane had transmitted material with Seth for many years, and she had a certain intuition and sensitivity. Rob asked her directly: "Is it the end of this book, or the end of the entire Seth material?"

Jane said I don't know, we'll see. Maybe I'll start something else and finish it all in one go -- he said he almost laughed, and she said it with a smile. But she said: Now I am trying to live through each night and each day.

For Jane, every night and every day was extremely hard to endure. Can you imagine -- she could only maintain one fixed posture, and could not move; turning over required someone else to help her change position. And from long-term bed rest, her muscles and fat were gone; she was all bones. Long-term bed rest also caused extensive bedsores and ulcerations. Her knees never healed; her right knee kept oozing pus -- inflammation from inside the knee, with pus flowing out.

Under such conditions, every day was torment for her. Why did she ultimately choose to leave this world -- if you were in such a condition, day after day, month after month, how long could you endure?

So we cannot stand as outsiders and say things like "Jane, you should not have left." We should empathize and think about this from her perspective. That she could persist in transmitting the Seth material every day, persist in holding sessions, persist until now -- it was truly extraordinarily difficult.

Jane was very distressed that evening. She said if only she could gain a little inner peace -- because the pain made it impossible for her to attain inner peace. The physical suffering kept pulling at her and entangling her, leaving her without a single moment of stillness. Under such circumstances, how could she heal through changing beliefs, or recover through self-suggestion? The difficulty was truly too great.

Rob asked Jane whether she wanted to try free association. He felt she had stopped free association because she was afraid it would not work -- although he thought she had shown signs that it was working. He also thought she stopped free association because it conflicted with the deeply held belief that had caused her body to become immobile.

Rob told Jane that in the past month, he had given up hope, and she must have too, and her symptoms were perfectly reflecting the loss felt by both of them. She seemed to agree.

In the past month, they had given up. Many of the exercises that had been suggested again for Jane's recovery and health, including free association, they had stopped doing. Rob had given up from the bottom of his heart, and Jane had too.

Rob added that while there is life there is hope, and as Seth had said many times, a person who does not want to die -- like Jane, who one day said she did not want to -- will not die for any reason.

But he told Jane that he could not ask her to do something she did not want to do. He added: "In this situation, I would not want to live."

This was Rob's final comfort to Jane -- if you want to leave, then leave. Do not feel that your leaving is somehow a lack of courage, or a weakness, or a surrender to fate. He said no, if you want to leave, then leave.

If I were you, in such a condition, I would not want to live either.

Carla called on Jane's behalf at 9:15 p.m., while Rob was typing this material. Jane told Rob that she really loved him very much. She said she was more comfortable tonight. She asked Carla to pass along the message to Rob that his wife was doing better this evening -- which might mean something, or might not.

This afternoon Rob had told Jane that he was ready at any moment to receive a call from the hospital telling him to come quickly, because his wife had weakened and death was near. And Jane smiled and said that many times she had almost had someone call him to come see her, especially late at night.

Rob said, I am already prepared -- the hospital may call at any time to tell me you are failing. He said "I love you, Jane," and did not know whether to laugh or cry. I think it was probably the latter.

He blessed her, whether she left or stayed. Today's session said it all -- "for you and for me, the prospects are good." Whether in life or death, whether the one who stays or the one who leaves, All That Is will care for and bless him.

He was speaking to both of them. Whether you choose to leave or to stay, it is the best arrangement, so what is there to worry about?

Although Rob himself very sincerely believed that those left behind -- those who leave this world later -- suffer far more than those who have gone. This was an expression of Rob's own feelings.

Final Words

This session is actually very important, within this book. The two of them were formally discussing the matter of life and death. Jane had also basically arranged her affairs and final wishes. Rob also began to formally, and with mental preparation, face the matter of Jane's departure. And he was very able to understand Jane's decision to leave, and he also very much respected Jane -- whether she stayed or left, he could understand and respect it.

The content of this session, I think many people will read it with deep sighs and emotion.

The entire process of the transmission of the Seth material is itself like a life journey, and also a process of the blossoming and expression of our life force. From when Jane was about 34 years old, until she was 55 -- for a full 21 years, her entire life was blossoming for this undertaking. And she did everything she could possibly do.

In these full 21 years, the Seth material alone produced 31 books, and her personally created novels and other materials also amounted to nearly 20 books. That is to say, in 21 years she wrote nearly 50 books -- transmitting at an average rate of two to three books a year. For a person with such a severely ill body, what an enormous workload this was. In these short 21 years, she brought her life to its utmost blossoming.

As Rob said, perhaps she had reached the time when she should leave and rest.

As Seth said, like All That Is -- whether we leave or stay, it is all the most beautiful arrangement, and it is the grace of the universe and All That Is that upholds and protects us.

July 31, 1984: Return to the Seth Sessions

Today Jane ate a somewhat better lunch than usual -- of course, a little more than a bird eats while alive, but still an improvement over most of July. She has basically been eating very little this month, but this time she had a little soup, a little egg yolk, a little coffee, a little custard, chocolate milk, and so on.

After lunch, since she could not read yesterday's session with either of her two pairs of glasses, I read it aloud to her. Her eyes were the same way yesterday. After we chatted for a while, I asked Jane if she wanted to try free association, but I did not get any clear answer. She was in so much pain that I ended up giving her at least ten minutes of what I considered good suggestions, possibly entering hypnosis. This time it seemed to help her relax; her arms and hands became looser and more relaxed, she seemed to lie in bed more easily, and she mentioned the experience several times throughout the afternoon. I will try more things like this. She very much loved the flowers I had brought from home.

Later I told Jane something Frank Longwell¹⁰ had said one day. After I explained to Frank how difficult this month had been for Jane, Frank said, "Well, when he doesn't hold class, he's always like that." I could see that this set Jane thinking. Occasionally both of us have thought this way, but Frank's casual remark happened to hit the mark.

I asked Jane whether she thought the sessions had the use of balancing out those very restrictive belief ideas of the guilty self -- when she said she was giving up the sessions, the other guilty self had the freedom to bring out its strength and beliefs to adversely affect her health. She said she did not know, but I thought it was a valid idea. I added that this whole thing was very difficult for me, and had always been so, because I was never sure whether to insist that she hold sessions, or just let it go. I have always been very careful about asking Jane to continue the Seth sessions, afraid that they might dominate her life. If the facts turned out to be just the opposite -- that not holding sessions was even more detrimental to her health -- would that not be a great irony? At least now it clearly seems to me that it is -- the damage of avoiding the sessions has had a very negative impact.

Then Jane said, "Get your things out." That is, the notebooks and paper for taking notes. She said this after I had told Jane what Frank said and we had discussed it for a while. She lay in bed, her head resting on the pillow, her Seth voice both labored and powerful. I thought that although she had no problem with the words, her voice was different, and the rhythm was clearly different from usual, pausing every few words.

Then Seth came through. Because the words did not come easily -- at this point Jane's body was truly doing its utmost to transmit -- Seth said:

These sessions, like life itself, are a gift originating from the creativity of a vast, endless existence.

These sessions, like your life, come as a gift from the creativity of a vast, endless existence, just like the gift in each of our lives, because this gift itself comes from the source of life. These gifts individually carry within them the splendor of unknown knowledge.

And they are born from the depths of Ruburt's life... within themselves, they contain the neighborhood and the world in which he grew up.

It is in these sessions that there are many of the trivial things from Ruburt's life world -- they were born out of Ruburt's world. The strength and vitality of the people he knew are also in these sessions; one can see the resourcefulness and energy that make up reality, all embodied in these sessions. Hidden within the sessions is the remarkable vitality of a Father Trenton -- Jane's mother, her neighbors and teachers.

But beyond that, these sessions connect and unify the history of existence as he has experienced it. Therefore, as I speak in his voice and for him, he expresses the blessed vitality and gratitude of the universe. Just as through these sessions, the sweet universe acknowledges its own presence and existence.

These sessions prove at least one thing: they prove that this universe exists in our world in a sweet, gentle, gracious way. Through this material, Seth lets us truly feel that beyond the physical world we think we know, there is also a world of consciousness, a world we do not yet know. In that world, the source of the universe, the source of our lives, exists there quietly, yet with deep love. He is not a lifeless, cold-blooded being without any feeling -- he carries love, carries grace, and watches over us at all times, just as a mother watches over her child. And this Seth material is in fact one of the best proofs of that.

And the two of you, living together in one life... this shared life expresses many voices, and looks outward, attending to its own compassion, joy, and delight for the whole world.

The two of you have lived as one -- the two of you are like a single life. Through the cooperation of the two of you, the Seth material that comes through sends out many, many voices; it flows outward with its own compassion, its own joy and delight to the whole world.

It is exuberant, it renews the spring and never truly ends.

This spring, nourished by the exuberant, endlessly flowing inner energy, will never end. This spring is an eternal spring, forever an exuberant spring.

He said, "So let us continue." 4:02. Jane said, "I don't know what he meant by 'let us continue,' but that was the last line I got. I don't know, I can't tell whether it was a hello or a goodbye."

I read the session to her and said, "Whatever you want him to be, he can be that." She nodded. I felt so strange, I did not know what to do, but perhaps it was a good sign, a sign of change. "Let us know what you want to do." Jane said she felt afraid and panicked -- she felt afraid and panicked about not transmitting the material -- and that, I knew, was a good sign. I told her we had touched on something that needed to be pulled out into the open. But before I could try to ask anything about free association, Jane said she had more to say.

4:10:

So, Ruburt speaks for all people in the sessions.

Ruburt speaks for all people in his sessions, not just for himself. He speaks for the united psyche that satisfies both thought and emotion -- the psyche is full of logical thought and feeling, as repeatedly emphasized in The Magical Approach; he speaks for such a united psyche that combines feeling and reason.

He is recorded, these words given to the private, intimate, yet generationally connected lives and voices of men and women. So that the many who listen to and read these sessions also hear their own inner voices, and feel the contours of their own nature and the nature of the universe.

Jane is not speaking only for herself, but also for many people. These words are all recorded, given to the private, intimate, yet generationally connected lives and voices of men and women -- that is, giving voice to their lives. So that the many who listen to or read these sessions, through hearing Jane speak about herself or Seth's words, seem to also hear their own inner voices -- as if these words are not someone else's, but their own inner ones.

Therefore, everyone who can truly read the Seth material feels a joy that rises from within -- they discover that there is finally someone in this world who understands them. And that understanding is not an understanding of language, nor an understanding of words, but an understanding where hearts resonate, an understanding where minds connect in an instant. That understanding makes your heart rejoice, ecstatic, excited, even too excited to sleep. You discover how someone could understand you so deeply, know you so thoroughly. Now you understand -- because he is speaking for your inner self, he is speaking your inner voice through Jane's mouth as she speaks for Seth. That voice is not someone else's voice, and this transmitted material is not someone else's material; they are all things from within you. That is why you are so ecstatic, that is why you are so excited, that is why once you start listening you cannot stop. Because it is the voice from your inner self that you have not heard for so long, the voice from your own nature.

From this, from such voices of the inner self and nature and the nature of the universe, you can obtain a general outline of them. It cannot be said that you have obtained all their information; you can only say that you can see an outline of them -- see their structure, see their loftiness, see how closely they are connected to our lives and existence.

Then Jane said, "That's it." And it ended. At 4:14 she said there was no more, and then Rob finished writing the notes and helped her light a cigarette, until it was time to prepare to turn over at 4:30.

This afternoon, I felt a tiny bit of hope, because Jane had begun holding sessions for Seth again. Of course I hope she continues; perhaps the sessions will help Jane. I have also mentioned many times that I want to take her home -- but not back to the bed there; I mean the hospital bed we own, because Jane now needs a special bed. I did not mean that at all; I meant I want to at least see you move around a little, to be able to get some activity.

August 1, 1984: Moving Forward

This session is August 1, 1984, Wednesday, 3:13 p.m.

Following our conversation and activities yesterday, Jane seemed to be doing somewhat better today. I brought the sessions from February 5 and 6, and read them to her after lunch. I chose them at random this morning, but only picked the ones I wanted, because their significance was this -- Jane was not ill, as Seth had always insisted. In other words, I told Jane, she did not need to call upon any physically debilitating disease with bacteria or microorganisms attached to it, and then be labeled with something that could not be reconciled.

These sessions also emphasized that she was afraid that if she used her abilities, the world would attack her. I had such fears myself, but by now they have lessened considerably for me, and I want her to reach that same platform of belief as well -- that is, not to be influenced by others, not to be afraid. I told her I knew she could do it. And whether she wanted to live, whether it was of the utmost importance -- after all, in life, there is hardly anything worse than being attacked by her symptoms, so what else was there to lose?

The February 5 session even emphasized that the energy that healed his right leg could also straighten it. I tried to speak somewhat more lightly today, but in the end I am afraid I overdid it in my eagerness to get something started. I think Jane might be confused by being bombarded with so many ideas and suggestions from so many people coming from so many angles -- everyone has their own viewpoint: you should treat it this way, you should recover that way, you should do such and such. All these too many suggestions might leave Jane confused.

She did agree to try to have a session, however, although I do not think she felt she could do it. I had mentioned -- I had suggested to her that she do this in order to help herself use her own creative abilities, since they are so much a part of her. Yet in earlier times, I had thought of telling her not to use those same abilities, because I felt they would make her illness worse. I think I have learned now, and I hope it helps teach Jane: there is nothing else but to give your all in every area, and that determination and action will overcome everything, and set her free physically, creatively, and spiritually.

From Rob's perspective looking at Jane, he could see -- she would often use her very powerful creative abilities, but she did not wish to use them on this physical illness of hers. He hoped Jane could use them in giving her all to doing what she wanted to do.

Then she lay back on the bed and pillows, crying a little from time to time, often speaking in a choked voice, and again in a different rhythm, like yesterday, each word interrupted by long pauses. Then again -- half crying -- Jane said: "There is a most gentle and harmonious afternoon." Then I said: "Thank you again, and the same to you." Then there was a long pause.

Then Seth spoke again:

As far as I can ascertain, Ruburt will not die now.

She will not die now, at least. She is still gathering her hope of being saved -- she is still gathering her hope of being saved. Becoming panicked over ordinary conditions -- ordinary situations all frighten her --

She is still working toward recovery. Although fear and panic have indeed considerably slowed that recovery. But by recovery, I simply mean returning to the state before this troubling problem.

Seth said she could have recovered, but her fear and panic considerably slowed that recovery. By recovery, he did not mean immediately being lively and getting out of bed right away -- no -- at least returning to a relatively better state than before.

Pretending is still helpful for now, and I believe the physical situation will slowly return to the earlier period.

His frequent transmissions were interrupted by emotion, choking, and frequent pauses. Then Seth said: "Let her rest a bit, and perhaps we can come back for a while."

Then at 3:21 p.m., Jane was half crying again. She felt terrified and panicked -- that meant we were very close to something. I asked her what that might be, but she did not answer, and instead turned the question back on me to pursue. She said: "It will take me a minute or two to go back to it."

She said: "Okay." Word by word, carefully, at 3:27 p.m.:

The session itself should be enough to reassure her, so that some of her panic can subside, so that she can begin to at least feel some calm returning.

Your support right now is indeed invaluable.

That is, Rob, your support for Jane is invaluable. Jane lay so quietly, eyes closed, head tilted to her left on the pillow, mouth open, that I thought she had fallen asleep.

Then Seth said:

Avoiding the issue of what is wrong is extremely important.

That is, do not discuss what is wrong; let us just discuss how it can be better. A long pause:

Instead, teach her to try to feel the rightness that is still working within her, so that rightness can help dissolve and navigate around those other elements.

That is, teach her to feel the correctness of these workings within her, so that this correctness can help dissolve other unfavorable factors.

Seth said: "I wish you a hopeful and pleasant afternoon." Jane said: "Thank you."

At 3:36 p.m., Jane asked me to read this session to her and tell her my impressions. I said she had indeed done very well, exactly what I had expected and hoped for. She showed a goodbye that was not despairing -- all was not lost, there was not that much certainty regarding recovery -- but I said I thought that in the past few days, I had seen signs of those things, and now felt she would make it. In Rob's understanding, Jane's condition was already very dangerous -- she had gone hungry for many days in a row, nearly a month, hardly eating anything. He said this should -- I was powerless too, but I always felt very disappointed and lost.

Then her appetite was slowly improving, her arms and hands could rest more easily, and overall she seemed a bit more relaxed. I wanted to try more suggestions, like I did yesterday. I told Jane I understood it would be difficult for her to accomplish these things, but I thought events would prove them.

When I checked the television and prepared dinner, I turned Jane onto her side and left at 7:15 p.m. Her vital signs were fine, and I believe her temperature was 38.5 degrees. She said: "No prayers said. Goodnight, sweetheart."

You can see that the material Seth transmitted in the later period was already very short, getting shorter and shorter, because Jane's body at this time was indeed already extremely weak. And at this time, Jane was still trying to have sessions. Then Seth said her appetite would improve, she could relax, overall she seemed a bit more relaxed, and so on.

All right, that concludes our introduction to Chapter 14, Part 14. We will continue interpreting the next part with everyone next time. I wish you all a magical and wonderful day.

August 2, 1984, Thursday, 3:21 p.m. Jane did not call last night.

Rob's notes read:

Last night, following all the events of that day, after I left her at about 7:15, she passed out and slept soundly for two and a half hours. However, she was not that comfortable later, and this morning her hydrotherapy was very painful. Later in Room 330, because she could not use the call button for the nurse -- she could not reach it -- she had to call out for help. And a nurse, not knowing the situation, began to scold her loudly, and then Georgian came over to help -- Georgian knew what was going on. I was very disappointed that Jane ate so little at lunch today. When I arrived at Room 330, she was already feeling tired, so I decided not to push or pressure anything. I thought, perhaps we especially need time to recover from the emotions that had been input in the past. I also felt that Jane's fate was in her own hands, and that anything anyone else did would not change that -- the same is true for each of us. Her recovery would depend on herself. Though I still felt puzzled as to why, when she said she did not want to die, she had brought her condition to such an extreme.

What Rob did not understand was that Jane, on the one hand, said she did not want to die, yet on the other hand had brought her physical condition to a state approaching death.

Then, from 3:00 to 3:06 p.m., Jane dictated the following poem:

Every man, every woman, child and man, is as nameless as we are. Everyone is nameless, yet everyone is secretly named -- named as royalty of the natural kingdom.

Our names in the three-dimensional world are insignificant. Along the long river of history and among the multitudes of beings, as one member of the multitudes, our names are not important. But within the natural kingdom, we are all royalty of this kingdom -- that is, we are all its relatives, all one with it, of the same lineage.

The wind will salute us, the stars will greet us, as members of the family of eternal disguise. Nature is an eternal disguise, and we are members of this family of nature's eternal disguise, its royalty. So these natural things -- whether stars or wind -- will pay homage to us.

This was a little poem of hers. At her request, Rob read the poem to her. Sometimes she did not want to hear poems she had written herself. She told Rob about a vivid dream from last night, and Rob had an interpretation after the dream. Then Rob read her the Seth portion of yesterday's session, without reading his own notes.

Jane said she felt somewhat better overall today, and Rob thought she looked that way too. Rob did not know whether there would be a session today, but Jane said: "Keep your paper and pen at hand." Jane had not given up yet. Then she immediately began the session, her words laden with emotion, steadier than yesterday's transmission, though the rhythm was still not light or quick. Rob was quite surprised that she had a session after all, since she might have wanted to rest today.

Then Seth said:

I wish you a harmonious and hopeful afternoon.

Seth told Ruburt to remind himself that his birth did not have to be responsible for his mother's disability. That is, Jane always thought it was her being born that caused her mother's physical illness to grow more and more severe, the rheumatoid arthritis to grow more and more severe. By being born, she did not take away her mother's own life. It was not because she was born that her mother had to leave.

For a moment, Seth's voice became increasingly sorrowful -- when he reached this point, Jane's voice suddenly took on a tearful tone.

Then Seth continued:

Jane has no reason to feel guilty, or to punish herself for her mother's condition. Through her birth, she did not in any way murder her mother. So she is not a murderer, or a destroyer, or that pitiful, contemptible thing. She is in no way her mother's murderer, nor should she be responsible for the breakup of her parents' marriage.

Jane also felt that it was because of her birth that her parents' marriage broke up, and that it led to her mother raising her as a single mother ever after. She felt guilty. She has no such crime to confess, she has no guilt; what she has obtained is indeed the need to punish herself.

So she is not an unnatural daughter of the earth.

Seth told Jane that she was not an unnatural daughter of the earth; she was a very normal and natural daughter, not a freak, not something that came and would harm her mother.

From these past cases, you can see many strange ideas. For example, one of the reasons Jane did not want to have children was that she was afraid that having a child would have an adverse effect on her own body, just as she felt that it was because her mother gave birth to her that her mother's condition worsened. And she also felt that it was her birth that caused the breakup of her parents' relationship. Therefore, because she loved Rob very much, loved Ruburt, she did not want to have children either. During the time when they could have had children, she was firmly opposed to having them. Rob was ambivalent on this issue, indifferent -- having one was fine, not having one was fine; he did not insist that much. But Jane was very firmly against having children. In all their years of marriage, there was only one time, when they were deeply in love, that Jane said she wanted a child -- and that was the only time; the next day she regretted it.

The Underlying Revelation

Take a break. At 3:27, when Jane came out of trance, tears kept streaming down her cheeks. And as she cried harder and harder, the tears only increased. By the time of the break, she was almost transmitting her words in a deep voice, her breath catching, her whole face wet, her mouth already twisted out of shape.

Rob asked her, "So is that what this is all about?" Rob said, "Oh, so that is what you believe at the bottom of it all. So you believe you are guilty, that you caused your mother's departure, caused the deterioration of your mother's body, caused the breakup of your parents' marriage -- is that what you believe? Is all of this the deepest root of it all?" Then Rob asked her whether the symptoms she had had for so many years were because of this. Jane did not answer; she refused to answer. Refusing to answer meant she had tacitly admitted it -- it really was because of this.

Rob said:

I think that is wonderful. She expressed those deep inner feelings -- the underlying feelings. Just as I was surprised that she spontaneously seemed to choose the subject matter of this session.

Rob was surprised that Seth could talk about this in this session. He said, "This must be good, to be able to touch Jane's underlying, emotional material, which is certainly good for her recovery and healing."

Then Jane cried out -- really shouted it. She said:

I kept trying to buy things for her, my mother. I don't know whether my mother hates me. I guess she hates me.

When she said this, her whole face was tear-streaked and emotionally contorted. Jane said she had always tried to make up for it, to compensate, by buying many, many gifts. She said, "I don't know whether my mother hates me. I think she hates me."

When Jane was young, her relationship with her mother was extremely bad, with fierce quarrels and even some physical conflicts. So the relationship between mother and daughter was very bad. But at the bottom of her psyche, Jane loved her mother so deeply. With such a contradictory, twisted personality, if you want to trace the many symptoms her body has today, the root lies right here.

Then Rob said:

I said several times: wherever she is now, that is, wherever her mother is, I certainly hope your mother understands what she did to you.

Rob actually could not quite forgive Jane's mother, because according to Jane's transmissions, her mother had done many, many very terrible things. Rob said:

No matter what you think, I feel your mother should understand what she did to you when you were a minor. I groped for words to express my anger.

Rob was angry -- watching my wife cry obviously awakened strong emotions within me. He felt he wanted to say some cutting words to Jane's mother, Marie, especially when he remembered seeing those old photographs two days earlier -- a three-year-old child standing in the snow on Central Avenue in Saratoga -- how could such a child be responsible for hurting anything or anyone?

That was when Jane saw the photograph of herself at age three, standing in the snow. An innocent child -- how could such a little child possibly bear any responsibility for her mother's pain, illness, or the breakup of the marriage? Did it have anything to do with an innocent child? But her mother, when Jane was little, had dumped all of this blame onto Jane's head, so Jane grew up carrying this sense of guilt from childhood, and she still carries it to this day. So Rob did not forgive Jane's mother; he was very angry.

He tried to reassure her several times. He said, "Honey, you never hurt anyone." That was all he could say.

He said:

You would not think that at a time like this, Carla would come in to check Jane's vital signs. Since she was here, I asked Carla to find someone to clean Jane's ears, because she was having hearing problems again when she came in. Carla had not been gone a minute when another nurse came in and said she would come back later to take care of Jane's ears. I said fine. By now Jane had stopped crying, but her reddened eyes and face must have revealed the truth, though no one said anything. "You never hurt anyone." I said again. I don't know what I was trying to say. I kept holding firm, rather than cursing Marie -- Jane's mother -- as I wanted to do. I had better shut up before I say anything more.

Tell Ruburt, this is Seth speaking: she does not need to take responsibility for the killing of her grandmother or the housekeeper. Jane had taken this guilt onto herself as well -- the matter of her grandmother or the housekeeper being killed had nothing to do with her either.

So in that regard, there is no reason for self-punishment and atonement.

Jane has no need to punish herself or atone. Many of her symptoms are a form of self-punishment -- for example, getting the same illness as her mother is a kind of self-punishment. She felt that her mother's curse upon her had taken effect, but in fact it was her own self-punishment at work. She also wanted more compensation and confusion -- that is, this kind of emotional and belief-level confusion.

Therefore she was in no way cursed. She was not cursed, and certainly not by God or by nature. So she has no reason to curse herself, and even less does she need to curse herself. So she is innocent, and obviously so.

Here, Seth once again unbound Jane, letting her untie all of this self-punishment, self-blame, and self-redemption at the bottom of her heart. Rob hoped that Jane could release all of these years-old, stale, underlying emotional layers.

At 3:50, a nurse brought vitamins, and then another came in to say hello and mentioned the Jane-ism we had gotten -- "If any more of those kids come in, I'm going to scream." After they left, Jane said, "But they are all wonderful and dependable people. I see them as delightful, and they obviously like us." But during the transmission, Jane very much disliked being interrupted.

Rob read the session so far to Jane, and at 3:56 Jane said there was more. Now her transmission was calmer and steadier, and there was other content.

Then Seth continued:

There is also no reason to blame her mother, or to hold any resentment toward her mother. Because Marie had no understanding of these issues at all. Marie did not know what she was doing.

So do not resent her mother; she simply did not know these things. A long pause, eyes closed -- at this point Jane was still in an emotional state, and then Seth said:

In interpreting life, misunderstandings, such attitudes, and unfortunate errors often occur. It is as if you inserted an extra cause or citation that did not belong there, and it changed the interpretation of an entire passage. Then let that error be erased.

In our lives, especially in our relationships with our relatives and with others, what often occurs is misunderstanding. Such attitudes and unfortunate errors -- it is because of our misunderstandings that many, many unfortunate errors occur. This kind of misunderstanding happens often, and it is also an interesting part of the drama of our lives -- because of misunderstandings, many very regrettable and irreversible things happen, but the misunderstanding just happens that way, and at that point in time there is no way to reverse it. Both sides have very deep misunderstandings of each other. Just like Jane and her mother, just like many actual cases we encounter, in everyone's relationship with their parents -- although at the bottom they deeply love each other, the surface misunderstandings are very deep, and the results are also very unfortunate.

Then Seth gave an example: it is as if you said a passage, and just one word's vowel or some other syllable had an error, and then it caused the meaning of the entire passage to be distorted, to be misunderstood. The passage might have had a hundred words, two sentences or three sentences, but in fact it was because of an error in one particular word that the entire passage was misunderstood and misinterpreted. He said this is very regrettable, but it also happens often. He said, then let all of these errors be erased -- although it has already gone wrong, the misunderstanding has already happened, the divergence has already been created, the harm already exists, he said, then let all of it be erased.

At 4:01 there was a long pause, and then Jane said, "I guess that's it." Seth's meaning was to let Jane dissolve this entanglement with her mother, this years-long resentment. Seth said he did not want to say too much more -- whether she was wrong or not, just erase it all.

The Body's Liberation

Not long after this session ended, Jane began to move her arms, stretching them upward and rotating them; her feet and toes also began to move, and her head moved a little as well. The movements were heartening -- on a smaller scale, they were the same ones she had begun doing in October 1983 but had then given up on.

For Jane, once she had released, under Seth's guidance, the deep-seated guilt, blame, and even resentment toward her mother, her body immediately relaxed. Previously she had been unable to move either hand or either arm; now her hands could lift upward, her arms could extend and stretch upward, and even her feet and toes began to move -- none of which she had been able to do before. Now her head moved too; she could move it as well.

This shows that the release of such underlying beliefs brings immediate improvement to the body. Rob included this brief description so that we readers could see: simply forgiving one person, or releasing guilt toward one person, can bring about such a great change in the body.

Then Rob deliberately asked her, "What are you doing? Are you showing off? Showing off that your body is limber now? That you can move?" Jane did not answer aloud; she kept her mouth tightly closed. In fact, she was in the midst of releasing her emotions. As she moved her body again and again, she made whimpering, wailing sounds -- using her voice to express the same effort she was making physically. These movements were also a clear response to a new freedom.

Rob reminded her that Seth had said earlier that year that once she allowed it, the body would immediately begin to respond. Once you allow it, the body immediately begins to respond with flexibility. Rob said:

This was clearly one sign of those responses, and one I hadn't even thought of.

He had never imagined that her body would immediately begin to recover, to loosen up, to become movable. This session, and these movements, clearly did indicate that something new was present.

That is, up to this point, if the state of this session had continued, she could have made a full recovery. Remember, up to this point Jane still had a very great chance of recovering completely. Joints that she had been unable to move for years could now move -- precisely because those underlying things had loosened. Once the guilt, blame, and even some deep-seated resentment toward her mother had been released, her body immediately began to move. So at this point there was still a very good turning point, indicating that something new was present.

Rob asked Jane about her hands, and Jane said that today's session and the movements could be interpreted as connected to her dream of the previous night -- she had dreamed that once certain things in the world were set in motion, they would inevitably keep moving until they were fulfilled, and then the world would end. She said that if she discovered those things were not true, then the world would not end.

That is, in her dream -- she dreamed that once certain things began, they would continue and could not be changed, and the consequence of their continuing would be the destruction of the world. But Jane said that when she discovered those things were simply not true, that it was pure nonsense in a dream, she suddenly realized the world would not end, and those things could be changed.

Rob said:

The dream seemed to be a symbolic statement that the old belief had been: there was no hope of breaking free from a prior conclusion.

Rob's interpretation of that dream was this: in the dream, Jane did not try to break free from that old event -- the idea that once a thing is set in motion it cannot be changed. Rob said this meant Jane did not really want to change it.

But if those events between Jane and Marie could now be lived again, without having to move forward to their inevitable conclusion, then there was hope.

Rob meant that the relationship between them could be adjusted at any time; it did not have to be spent in resentment or guilt. If so, then this matter could be completely changed, rather than Jane's belief that "I hate my mother, and my mother hates me" being a fact -- when it was not a fact at all.

Rob then said:

This is not to say that I do not still harbor resentment toward Jane's mother, Marie -- I still hate her mother. Even if, as Seth said, Marie did not understand the issues involved, does that give her the freedom to abuse others? Can that be a reason for her freedom to abuse others? I know this is a large issue, and it is the choice of all involved, but still --

From a higher perspective, or from a larger framework, this is the spontaneous choice of all involved; that is, Jane chose her mother, chose the experiences of her childhood, and her mother also played the role of her mother. Rob said, I understand all of that, but I still cannot help hating Jane's mother, knowing what she did to Jane when Jane was little.

After dinner, Jane again began a series of movements of her arms, especially her hands, and other parts of her body responded as well. It was as though, once she understood that she had been set free, she immediately tried to move as much as she could -- once she discovered she could move freely, she kept moving without stopping. Very exhilarating. Jane kept making the effort; great things could happen -- could happen -- that is a question mark.

At this point Rob saw hope. He saw that after just this one short session, Jane's body, which had been unable to move freely for years, suddenly began to move freely. Although the range of motion was not that great, for Rob it was a very, very remarkable beginning -- indicating that if things continued to develop in this way, Jane could reverse the entire process of her body's deterioration and return to a very ideal state.

Carla called for Jane at 9:30 and told Rob that Jane was doing those movements again -- doing those movements again. "My wife has thrown herself into the body's freedom. Very good, very good."

The Inertia of Old Patterns

Let us continue with the next session. From the previous session, Jane had already begun entering a new phase.

Friday, August 3, 1984, 2:59 p.m. When Rob arrived at Room 330, Jane seemed much more relaxed, because he had exercised a bit that afternoon.

"Don't touch me," he said. He was lying on his back watching the soap opera The Young and the Restless¹¹ on television -- that is the name of the soap opera -- as he did every day at noon. "I just want to lie here and let this medication take effect."

He had eaten a fairly small lunch. At 2:59, while they were chatting, he began to speak of feeling afraid and panicky again -- you see, he had already been doing better, and now he began to feel afraid and panicky again. Soon he was half crying, choking up, and he started again -- his arms and hands moved from where I had been supporting them, and began to move.

He did say that his feeling of fear had come from yesterday's session about his mother Mary, and from his dreams last night. Rob said that was fine, but he could not actually pin down the source and theme of today's panic -- because yesterday's matter had already been resolved, he could not determine it. He continued half crying. When Rob asked whether he was thinking about his mother Mary, he cried out:

"Read yesterday's session! I don't know what I'm doing!"

Although this emotion had been resolved yesterday, years of this mother-daughter entanglement of love and hate, this intense emotional bond, could not be completely untied all at once. So at this moment, in his fear and this enormous emotional state, Rob asked him: "Are you still thinking about your mother?" And then Jane cried out: "Hurry and read yesterday's session! Hurry and read yesterday's session to me!"

What does this mean? It means that at this moment Jane discovered he could not control his feelings and emotions. Actually, yesterday he had already completely understood from the deepest level, or rather released this emotion, and had released his resentment toward his mother, including his guilt toward his mother. But just as everything has a certain inertia, our emotions and feelings also have a certain inertia. When he was not under Seth's guidance, he would fall back into his old emotional patterns from the past.

Within this old emotion, he could not control himself. Once this emotion started, just like for many people, once the old pattern was activated, it was very hard to fully control it -- just as he had dreamed in his dreams, once something begins it cannot end. And in this state, Jane understood at once -- at this moment he told Rob to hurry and read yesterday's session, to interrupt this old pattern and pull him back into a brand-new state. So he was very clear about it; he said hurry, read, read, read yesterday's session.

Through these small details we can also see that when a person is wrestling with their old beliefs, when wrestling with their old ingrained emotional patterns, the difficulty is enormous -- truly enormous.

Rob read that session to him at 2:54. Jane was crying and making sounds; he did not want to hear the notes Rob had written for that session, or the poem he had dictated yesterday. Rob thought it was important to hear those notes, but there was no choice other than to wait. Jane did not want to hear these notes, nor did he want to hear what Rob had to say -- he only wanted to hear the content that Seth had transmitted.

At 2:58, Jane said through tears and a choked voice:

"Rob, I'm going to try to have a session. I'll do my best; I don't know if I can. All right, I'll try."

Then with tears in his eyes, with many pauses, his eyes closed most of the time, he began to transmit.

And then Seth continued to speak through Ruburt:

Living does not require any great effort. Living is a very easy, effortless thing; it does not require a person to make a huge effort in order to live. It can be said that, no matter what he himself does, he will not die.

He used "Ruburt," because it is a masculine name, so he used "he." No matter what, Jane would not die. His being alive is the most natural thing in the world. Seth once again gave him the strongest confidence: living does not require much effort; you can live in the most normal way; and he told him he would not die, that his being alive is the most natural thing in the world. With so many natural things in this world, do not all living beings live with ease? So he had not been abandoned either -- he had not been abandoned by nature, nor abandoned by anyone. His living was also very easy.

Mysterious, creative healing energy was indeed protecting him. Try as much as possible to forget those obstacles, and those seeming obstacles.

Ignore the facts before your eyes, and believe that your mysterious, creative power can protect you. A very long pause.

The body's movements have already begun to affirm himself.

The body affirms itself through movement. Let him find those movements -- the most important thing is to ensure that he feels their presence.

That is, let him feel that his body's self-protective mechanism is always present, let him feel that his body's healing ability is always present, let him feel that his body is always present -- that this body consciousness will heal itself, let him feel the existence of his body.

Once again, the session should automatically help him calm his mind, and let his panic dissipate.

The session can effectively eliminate his fear and calm his mind. Why? Because every time he has a session, he enters another state of consciousness. As discussed before, in that state of consciousness, his ego is suppressed, and his higher self or greater self has time to take control of a part of it, allowing the fear to dissipate.

We will return. It is enough to say this for now.

Jane said, at 3:03, he was still in tears, his voice often choked with emotion. He had taken this medication to help calm himself down, and the rain was falling heavily, just like yesterday afternoon's shower. Rob said:

Reading today's session so far has helped. Last night Carla had said that when he called, Jane was still doing the movements that had begun yesterday.

Now Jane told Rob that a friend had visited earlier, and when the movements began, Jane had asked him to leave -- because he did not yet want to do those movements in front of others; he was still embarrassed.

Now Jane said:

My fear seems to be -- no matter what I myself do, I will die.

He finally dared to admit it. Jane said: "My fear is that no matter what efforts I make, I will die." And you can imagine what consequences such a belief would lead to -- that is, at the deepest level he believed that no matter what he did he would die, which would inevitably lead to the single result of his death. He no longer believed that through his own changes he could change his body, could let his body be healed or recover. What he firmly believed was that no matter what he did, he would die -- this belief was a very strong belief at his deepest level, and it was also the root of his fear.

Then Rob said:

That is all right. It is just another fear. This viewpoint is also a kind of fear; as long as you do not hide it, it will disappear. But it shows to what point things have come -- now is the time to retreat from death.

Rob said you can pay attention to it; you only need to see this fear, face it directly and look it in the eye, and it will disappear. He said it will eventually disappear, but it can show what point you have reached now -- now is the time to retreat from death; do not keep thinking that there is only this one road rushing toward death; we should retreat from that road.

Jane smoked a cigarette. Rob told him that the notes he had read to him from yesterday were very important, especially the parts about his relationship with his mother. He finally agreed.

Actually, in terms of details, this part was unnecessary -- Jane really did not need to hear the notes Rob had written. Why did Rob insist that he listen? Because Rob still held a great deal of resentment toward his mother, and he believed Jane should not forgive his mother. Jane had finally, under Seth's guidance, forgiven his mother and released those deep-rooted things, but Rob, because of the contrivances of his ego -- from a three-dimensional perspective, he felt sorry for his wife Jane -- he felt that what Jane's mother had done in Jane's childhood was unforgivable no matter what the reason. Even though Seth said his mother did not know what she was doing, that she had nothing to do with this matter, Rob still could not forgive.

And if he could not forgive, that was one thing, but he also insisted that Jane listen to his views on the matter. At the deepest level, what he wanted to tell Jane was: "Jane, you are not wrong to hate your mother; do not blame yourself." He felt he was defending and protecting his wife. But in fact this matter often did not go as he wished; it had the opposite effect. What Jane most needed to do at this time was to forgive his mother, to express his love for his mother -- not to let this hatred continue to sprout and take root. The growth of this hatred had finally been cut off, and then Rob brought it up again.

Because of Rob's own ego-level understanding, he was not yet on the same level as Seth. He clung too firmly to his own viewpoint; he believed he had reason to hate Jane's mother, and he believed Jane also had reason to hate his mother. But the key to this matter was not whether there was reason to hate, nor what Jane's mother had done. The root of this matter was that this hatred could not be allowed to continue developing -- at this time it should be transformed into love, replaced with a completely opposite belief, so that Jane could embody or see his love for his mother.

Just as he had said in the previous session, he said he had always tried to buy his mother many things to make up for the harm he had done to her, and so on -- these things should actually have been further strengthened and guided, not countered. Jane instinctively knew he did not want to hear Rob's notes -- he had said in the previous session, "I don't want to hear your notes, I only want to hear Seth's material." But Rob repeatedly insisted, "You should listen, you should listen, my notes are really well written, my notes will really help you." After his repeated persuasion, Jane listened.

Actually, if we look at this matter from a small perspective, it had no positive influence on Jane's recovery, but rather played the opposite role.

Affirmation and Support

At 3:30 there was another short session. Jane said that now his transmission was much calmer. Seth said:

Further remind Ruburt: he did his best to help his mother.

You see, Seth is still emphasizing Jane's love for her mother. He said Jane had already done her best to help her mother. At times when Jane felt she could not express love and make efforts at communication with her mother -- that is, when Rob as a son could not express love and communicate well with his mother -- Jane filled that role very well. Actually this was Jane's compensation for him, a kind of compensatory psychology.

Remind Ruburt of his friendly acts toward your apartment neighbors, toward Miss Callahan, toward many of his students, and of the love he has given you. Also remind him that he held no malice toward his mother. Remind him at length and kindly, remind him of the many years he deeply loved his mother. And his own existence allowed his grandfather to experience a kind of love that was also a light in his later years -- he also loved his grandfather.

Seth is very clever. He begins by talking about Jane's relationship with Rob's mother, which makes it easier for Rob to accept, and then leads into the point that Jane is a very loving person. Then he goes further, bringing out that Jane not only has love for neighbors, for strangers, for Miss Callahan -- she was a teacher -- even for Miss Callahan's students she was full of love, and full of love for the neighbors as well. Then he goes one step further, bringing out that Jane not only has love for strangers, but also still deeply loves the mother who once hurt him. And this is what Seth really wants to convey -- he has always wanted Jane to be able to see his love for his mother, that the hatred was only a distortion and another expression of love, and that he should not fall back into Rob's view of his mother -- he should raise up love for his mother, which is very beneficial for Jane's recovery.

These elements are all alive and very powerful in the events of his life.

Jane's love for ordinary people, for her own relatives, for her mother-in-law, for her neighbors, for her mother -- all of it is very vivid and powerful.

Therefore, no aspect of his relationship with his mother became an isolated focus.

He says his relationship with his mother was not a special case -- not an isolated focus of "hatred only for the mother, love for everyone else." It did not exist apart from the other events of his life -- it did not exist outside of the events. What he means is that Jane is a loving person, including toward his mother -- this is his consistent way of being. It is not that he has love for everyone else and only hatred for his mother -- that is not the fact. He has love for all people.

He said:

Be sure to remind Jane to see this as one whole event, not an isolated event. Remind Jane that Ruburt loves nature, and has always done so; nature also loves Ruburt, and has always done so. Ruburt loves the world, just as the world loves Ruburt, and has always been so. It might be a good idea to read our recent material -- read the material from our recent session or two. Substitute Jane's name for Ruburt.

There is a key point here -- replacing Ruburt with Jane here makes it more meaningful. Because when it is said that Ruburt loves the world and loves nature, Jane can accept and understand that. But if it comes back to the ego self, saying that Jane truly loves nature and loves his mother, sometimes Jane cannot accept or understand that.

And here Seth very wisely tells Rob: when reading this session, replace every mention of Ruburt with Jane -- swap it over. Because from Seth's perspective, the personality he deals with is Ruburt -- he deals with an energy-state personality, and the one he contacts is this Ruburt. Jane is only a very small, three-dimensional existence under this larger personality of Ruburt. From a certain angle and in a certain sense, what Seth cares about more, or deals with directly, is this energy personality of Ruburt, not this Jane -- Jane is only a three-dimensional expression of the Ruburt personality, living her own life, living her own little daily life.

But at this moment, in order to have a very good healing effect on Jane, Seth reminds Rob that now is the time to replace Ruburt with Jane. The meaning of doing this is to let Jane the ego see: it is not only that Ruburt loves the world and the world loves Ruburt; it can also be said that this little Jane also loves this world, and this world also loves her. It is not only Ruburt who can love his mother -- even though his mother hurt him so much -- this Jane can do the same.

And if Jane replaces Ruburt here, it can give Jane a more empathetic experience, that is, it can emphasize and strengthen that Jane is a loving person -- whether toward herself, toward the universe, toward you, and toward her friends and readers, she is Jane, that loving Jane, a Jane with love, a Jane carrying full love. Here Seth once again emphasizes that Jane and Ruburt are of one body -- he is actually giving Jane an enormous affirmation and support.

He said:

To others, he is Ruburt, but to your friends, to himself, to his partner, to the universe and the world, to those readers, he is Jane, not Ruburt.

This is what he wants to convey to everyone. That is, he affirms the value and meaning of Jane's existence as an ego -- it is not that Jane only has value and meaning by existing as Ruburt. Jane as this ego, her own existence has immeasurable value and meaning.

Life and Farewell in a Small Town

Then, all right. It was 3:40. At 3:45, when the phone rang, they were talking about the conversation. It was John Bumbalo—his father Joe Bumbalo had passed away at two o'clock, and John had just left the house. Just as Jane and I had just left the nursing home before my mother passed away in November 1973.

Jane spoke with John. John told Jane, "Thank John for taking care of me." John was Joe Bumbalo's son. John told him, "You are a wonderful man." That is, Rob is a wonderful man. When Jane told Rob, Rob was half doubtful, and felt a surge of affection—felt the affection between two men. Jane began to hum a song that both of them knew but could not place, perhaps an aria from an Italian or Spanish opera. He said he thought somehow the song was connected with Joe.

After a very late dinner, Rob went to see the Bumbalo family. Margaret—that is, Joe Bumbalo's wife—hugged him, hugged Rob, and then she almost broke into tears. Rob could see they had all been crying, yet their television was showing the Olympics. John brought Rob a whiskey and soda—whiskey with soda added—and there was also a great deal of laughter and joking.

At funerals in the American West, generally at these family gatherings, they usually tell some stories about the departed person's past experiences, even some jokes. So their whole process was filled with laughter, with cheerful voices and laughter, and of course also filled with tears and longing—tears and laughter mixed together.

Margaret asked Rob, "Would you be willing—would I be willing to serve as an honorary pallbearer at Joe's funeral?" Rob said, "Of course." This is the pallbearer—in the West, being a pallbearer is also an honor. Rob said, "I don't have to do anything." Then the first thing that flashed through his mind was—I don't have a suit to wear. You see, Rob actually had no suit, only his corduroy pants. He said I didn't mention this.

Think about it—Rob was already 65 years old at this point. For a 65-year-old man in a society like America to have no suit—what does this tell you? He had almost never attended formal social occasions, so he had no need for a suit. From this you can see that Rob and Jane were very resistant to this kind of traditional social activity.

Last night Rob did not type, and only typed this session this morning after taking his morning short walk around the house with their cat Billy. At 10:25 the phone rang; it was Georgian. He asked to speak with Jane. Jane said:

"Nothing major, but I had a zooming evening. Would you be willing to come a little early and have lunch with me?"

Jane hoped Rob could come early to have lunch with him. Georgian said he would pick out a cold ham plate for me, and Jane and Rob made some arrangements so that Rob could get there by noon. "No need to come earlier," Jane said, "this morning he is not going to hydrotherapy, and Georgian is going to start giving him a bed bath."

And this was the first time Jane asked Rob to come to the hospital at a different time. Rob regarded it as a good thing—because he had asked her to do this. And Jane doing this might serve as an excellent therapy and strengthen the effect of the new belief—that is, to begin breaking some of the old routines. Jane began to take the initiative to make requests, asking Rob to come to the hospital a little earlier to have lunch with him. And this kind of change, this taking the initiative to make requests, Rob considered to be a symbolic beginning of Jane starting a new life, a new belief. So Rob was also very happy.

Saturday, August 4, 1984¹², 3 p.m.

I arrived at Room 330 at 12:05. Because the day before Jane had asked Rob to come a little earlier to have lunch with her, just as Jane was taking a sedative, she felt somewhat uncomfortable, but later seemed to improve considerably. When the lunch tray arrived along with the cold ham that Jane had ordered for me, I was not hungry, and Jane ate very little, except for a few cups of ice cream and chocolate milk. When I saw that Jane again did not want to eat more, I felt depressed. Because of this depression, Rob's appetite was also poor.

At 2:30, Jane began to have a panic attack, as he had been doing recently, crying and moaning. He again could not tell me where these panics came from, although I was fairly certain the same thing was involved—mostly his mother. I cleaned his close-range glasses for him and told him to put them on; he resisted. Then I told him to read yesterday's session that I was holding for him—something he would not have done if I had not insisted. He first read the Seth material, and then, at my insistence, also read Joseph.

Then Jane said: I guess I let fear into everything, he said through tears. Rob said: You certainly did. You let fear rule every bit of your life, almost every thought, and there is nothing left.

You let fear rule every bit of your life, and there is nothing left; every thought is filled with fear.

His panic did not last as long as it did yesterday, and I hoped that the panic he continued to experience would lead to the panic dissolving. In between the episodes, Jane repeatedly said he was trying to have a session—I will do my best.

Then Seth came through.

Some Small Changes

Seth said to take it slowly at first, and told Rob to tell Jane that he could slowly but surely make small adjustments in his own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, and that even while he was in a panic, he could still feel that change moving within his psyche.

If Jane could not make too big a change—for example, being completely free of panic, which he might not be able to do—then this was the time to say, you can let him try starting from simple places and make some small changes. It is not about having no panic at all, but going from big panic to small panic, and from small panic to a little bit of panic; such changes would also be helpful to him.

Then remind him that not all of his natural tendencies are truly to his benefit, and that the signs of creative change and feeling begin to emerge, like tiny sprouts.

Here he is to remind himself that these natural tendencies of his are not all good for him. These natural tendencies include his innate sense of insecurity and fear of such things, which carry a certain natural disposition. These are some of the attributes that Jane brought with her in the life blueprint when she came. So these things may be some of his natural tendencies, including his innate fear of water, and his great fear of the dark and of walking at night. Some of Jane's fears are not all learned after birth—because of childhood experiences and so on, which do exist as well—but he also brought some of them innately. In previous sessions, we have also come to know this.

Then tell him again that these natural tendencies are not good for him, but that he can change them. Once the signs of this creative change and feeling begin to emerge, they will grow like tiny sprouts and will change that natural disposition of his.

In other words, this sentence also gives us many hints: the things we are born with are not all good, nor are they all of positive significance for our development. It is like a composite set of attributes—when each game character is first set up, among its attributes there are good parts, and also parts that are relatively not so good to some degree. And as little characters in a three-dimensional world, it seems as though we can only accept such natural settings—but that is actually not right. Although these natural tendencies are not easy to change, that does not mean they cannot be changed.

Seth said again, once more, he has not been abandoned. He bears no responsibility in any way for his mother's problems.

From any angle, he bears no responsibility at all for his mother's problems. No matter how strong his fear may be, in any case, the energy of the universe will hold him up. No matter how strong the fear, the universe will hold him up.

The session did indeed automatically add its own sense of infinite lovingness. One important function of the session itself is that, by gathering healing abilities, they bring their own comforting effect. Sometimes it is not the words within the session, but the very sound of the session itself, that also transfers calm to him by directly affecting the body itself.

Sometimes, it is not the content of the session, the textual part, but rather a kind of transfer through the very sound of the session. The whole situation is not merely temporary, but has already turned around, restoring body and mind to an important degree. That is to say, a reversal has indeed already begun, and body and mind have recovered to a quite important critical degree—improvement has already started.

Rob's True Thoughts

At 2:14 p.m., at Jane's request, I read this session to her. I found it hard to like this — Jane asked him to read, and at her request he began to read, but he did not like these sessions; he could not say he hated them, but he could not say he liked them either. As the session went on, Rob felt anger again, and there was a great deal of anger inside him. Rob wondered: what good is this session? What concrete help does it actually give Jane?

Of course, it may be a problem with my own attitude and mood today. Yet this session could be any one of the sessions Jane has given over the past ten years — this session is no different from the others. And in all those other sessions, his condition was comparatively better, yet still nothing ever happened.

Just like the other sessions, when Jane was delivering the session, in the other sessions her condition was comparatively better, but nothing improved or changed either. Jane's physical condition over the last ten years has been deteriorating from the start, and this session, in Rob's understanding, has brought no substantive change or help to Jane's health — that is the point of Rob's anger.

Rob said he must have reached that point, reached a certain point, at which he did not feel Jane wanted anything beyond what she had already gotten. Because after all, do we not each create our own reality?

Rob felt he had reached that point — what point? It was that he felt Jane did not need anything else, including the Seth material, including Seth's help, including the help Rob gave her — she did not need any of it. He felt Jane was a person who was very self-willed, very independent, and very firm in her own beliefs — that was one of Rob's feelings. He felt Jane did not need these sessions, that the sessions were of no use to her, that she never used them, and did not need them. He said, does not everyone create their own reality through belief? Jane has already created her own reality through her own beliefs — that was his view.

He said: there is no doubt that my own frustration and resentment may be surfacing for the sake of my own security.

This was also Rob doing a bit of self-reflection, because he had this sense of self-security. Jane's leaving made him feel a kind of extreme frustration and helplessness — he did not know how life would continue afterward, and he did not know whether, without Jane, their Seth material could still be transmitted. He had a great deal of anger inside him, and this anger, by way of protecting his own sense of security, was being expressed at this moment.

After the session, Jane seemed to feel much better. When I turned her over at 4:30 p.m., she went through another period of moving her arms and hands, just as in the previous two days she began to move her hands and arms, but her feet moved less. I could not help telling myself that I had seen many of the same things before, but with no lasting effect.

Rob said that over these past years he had seen similar things: Jane's physical condition suddenly improving, suddenly being able to move, what could not move before suddenly being able to move — he had seen it many times, but found that none of it lasted, and after a while it would relapse and she could not move again.

At 9:05 p.m., Carla helped Jane call me, and just as I was finishing this session, she sounded quite good, and we exchanged words of love with each other.

A Worse Morning

The next session was on Sunday, August 5, 1984¹³, at 4:09 p.m.

When the hospital called at 7:50 in the morning, I was eating breakfast. A call at that hour startled me, because either something must have happened to Jane, or generally the hospital would not call him at such an early time. But the nurse said Jane was not doing well, though it was not a major emergency -- they could not make him comfortable, he was not eating breakfast, and he wanted Rob to come.

Jane wanted Rob to be told right away whether he could come see him, and he asked whether Rob could come see him right now, immediately. I left my breakfast, left the cats, left the house, turned off the lights, and drove down. I did not think this was a life-or-death crisis -- he felt it had not reached that point -- but it was a result of the conversations we had been having, the lessons, the panic attacks, and so forth. When I left the house, the rain was coming down hard.

Jane was truly uncomfortable, with two electric pads propped all the way up to his shoulders, raised and wedged in so that he could not move. I had two nurses hold him while I removed the two electric pads. He had been given a sedative. In fact, I felt his agitation was another good sign.

In fact, after a while, I got my wife back to eating breakfast. They placed him in a much more comfortable position, and he ate quite well: he drank chocolate milk and coffee, ate a slice of toast with jam, and took a few bites of egg and bacon. My presence undoubtedly helped him resume eating. While he ate, the panic attacks were still coming intermittently, and to some degree we talked him through them. I told him never to bury those feelings, and he did not do so -- Jane expressed the fear.

Jane's Two Insights

Jane recalled several excellent insights.

One of them was that he may have associated punishment with physical movement. This idea originated from his days in the Catholic orphanage, where children were punished by being made to kneel for long periods of time as punishment for various infractions -- not allowed to move, kneeling for a long time. This may have linked physical punishment with physical movement -- punishing oneself by making one's own body unable to move. This was related to his childhood experiences in the orphanage. It came to Jane's consciousness while we were watching Sesame Street on television, a very creative little comedy -- he suddenly thought of this while watching the little comedy. Rob had never heard him mention such a connection before, that punishment was linked all day long with the body's inability to move.

Another insight was: the body has its own rights.

This was another of his insights. He had said this many times, and so had Rob, but apparently it had not meant so much to Jane before. That is, there is no need to immobilize him by way of punishment; the body must have its own right to move. As for Jane, no matter how you judge yourself inwardly -- whether you feel you are at fault, or feel guilty toward your mother, or feel you should not have treated him that way, or feel you should punish yourself through your own body -- all of these are Jane's own ideas, whereas the body itself has its own right to move, its own right to move freely as it wishes. This was Jane's second insight.

Fortunately I Was There

During breakfast, when he again became restless and fearful for a while, panicking, I repeated the suggestions as I had the other day, gentle hypnosis. Once again the results were very good, and as I spoke each word, Jane stared at me with intense concentration.

I told him that yesterday I had found Joe Bumbalo's obituary in the newspaper, and that today after I left Ward 330, I would stop by the funeral home to see Joe and his family, and tomorrow morning I would go to the funeral.

Today a new nurse was celebrating her 20th birthday. She was very young, and the staff held a party with lots of good food. So one of the nurses put together more food for Jane and me, and Jane ate quite well. However, he also experienced moments of panic related to his mother and family matters, and we talked them out.

I had not realized that his maternal grandfather, Joseph Burdo -- whom Jane called "Little Dad" -- had once been hospitalized for two years with tuberculosis, when Jane was about ten years old. Rob had not known about this, and it was strange that he had never mentioned it before. As we chatted, I also came to understand: when Jane's grandfather wanted to move out of the house on Central Avenue, he sold all the furniture and ordered all the utilities -- water, electricity, and gas -- to be shut off.

After his grandfather moved out, he wanted to sell the furniture and have the gas and electricity all shut off, while Jane and his mother were still living inside. That is to say, Jane's grandfather moved out on his own, and then he wanted to sell the furniture and shut off the gas and electricity, leaving Jane's mother and Jane inside unable to go on living properly. At that point, Jane's mother, Marie, stepped in and stopped all of his plans, thereby dismantling her father's plans, and forbade him from ever setting foot in the house again -- she drove her father out of the home.

For Jane, this was like a second divorce in the family, because Jane's relationship with his grandfather was actually quite good. Jane's mother had a poor relationship with her father, and Jane had a poor relationship with his mother, but conversely, Jane's relationship with his grandfather was very good. So when his mother drove his grandfather out, for Jane it was like a second divorce -- Jane was only six at the time, and his parents had divorced when he was three. So when his grandfather was driven out by his mother, it was like a second family rupture.

When Jane told me something I had never heard before, he cried. He had never told him about it before, but this time he told Rob. This shows that Jane had still concealed many of the tragic experiences of his childhood, and even though he and Rob had been married for so many years and had loved each other so deeply for so long, he had still hidden many things. From this it can be seen that Jane's psyche was actually hiding and suppressing a great many of these negative emotions within.

Rob said that if he wanted to be free, he must put the past in its place -- that is, he must give the past back to the past, and not bring it into the present anymore.

Jane recalled several memories that were new to Rob. For example, going to the Youth Center on Lower Broadway in Saratoga Springs on weekend evenings to dance and socialize -- he had not told Rob about this either, and so on and so forth. He listed many things he liked to do, such as running, roller skating, dancing, and walking purely for the fun of it. Even back then, he loved nature very much.

Then Rob said, I am glad -- given all these things he had enjoyed in his early years, I suggested that when he was under stress he try to focus on these things he loved, rather than on the negative things we usually talked about, such as the relationship with his mother, the injustices he suffered as a child, and so on. Shift the focus onto the things he enjoyed. All in all, I think we learned a great deal, and compared with how I felt yesterday, we are hopeful after all.

Rob seemed to be gaining some confidence

When I asked him if he wanted to have a session, he said with surprise that he had no particular thoughts, and that he was hardly prepared or in the mood. I said he did not have to be. He was clearly getting restless, and had been lying down long enough.

Rob said: You were not thinking of having a session, were you? But then he added, I did not say we had to have one either. But after he said that, Jane became anxious, and just lay there motionless, waiting for the session.

But eventually, Jane began a session. He spoke slowly, his eyes tightly closed, his voice still unsteady, at times very emotional, even trembling.

Then Seth came through.

Seth said:

Once again, your help is invaluable. It also springs from the new feelings of peace and strength that are emerging within your psyche.

He said Rob's help was invaluable, and that it also sprang from Rob's inner peace and strength, a kind of care and help for Jane that was emerging from within Rob, and this help was invaluable to Jane.

Now those energies have come to support Ruburt. The feelings of abandonment have been expressed, and that is a good thing. By his combining the material in different ways, rearranging experience, turning the thoughts inside out, this is a healing method that will open the way for healing, comfort, and peace of mind.

Jane went through his previous experiences, his past history, all those former times, and brought them all up from memory. But as he went through them and turned them over, he saw many things he had not noticed before: how much he loved dancing, socializing, singing, walking, interacting with people. He was a very outgoing person. And later on, Jane completely reversed that part of himself -- Jane became someone who did not like socializing, did not like dancing, did not like exercising.

Seth said that if Jane could often turn his memories inside out like this, that is, bring those memories he had not noticed before from the inside to the outside, to a more prominent position, this would be a very good way to open the path for healing.

And in our own lives, we should also learn from this kind of experience. No matter what we go through, we can always find in our lives those beautiful, happy moments, those wonderful times of deep connection with nature. When we are discouraged, or in a bad mood, or when we can no longer find hope and safety, we can turn these things out, and they will open the way for our healing.

Amid many distressing experiences, there is a strength that can respond to circumstances.

The strength that you can still draw on to change with circumstances. Rob was now opening the way for Jane's expression again -- he was regaining this ability to respond to circumstances, and beginning to clear away the obstacles that had previously blocked Jane's expression.

What is important is not only the words of the session, not only the text within the session. For beneath the words, healing energy is being transferred in other ways.

Beneath the words of the session, there is also healing energy, being transferred in other ways into energy that the body can accept.

He should remind himself to look for new signs of relaxation, no matter how small they are, for those signs do indeed show themselves now.

He told Jane to look for very small, very tiny signs of relaxation in his life. These signs can show themselves, that is, they can tell Jane: I can still relax.

Then Seth said again:

I wish you a most compassionate and supportive afternoon.

And then:

Once again, good afternoon, and thank you.

Then Seth left.

Truth and Seth's Words

At 4:24, because of bladder spasms -- Jane's bladder was spasming -- I had to stop several times. Jane said that helped explain the unsteady state of his delivery. At the same time, he felt panic once or twice. A very catchy and easy-to-remember famous tune was flowing through his head -- a melody he was very familiar with was flowing through his mind.

He said: I don't know, I think I got this sentence from Seth -- Rob will be fine in the hydrotherapy. And Jane said, because that was one thing I had been afraid of all along.

Actually, Jane had always been afraid of hydrotherapy. But the doctors insisted he had to undergo hydrotherapy, and you can imagine that this process itself made him very fearful and panicked. Because when a person's body cannot move, and then they put him in the water, and he himself was someone rather afraid of water, so you can imagine that this was a tremendous panic for him.

Jane did not eat much for dinner, and that seemed to be no problem. I was a little tired, and I left at 7:15.

At the Funeral Home

Then I drove to the funeral home, and I felt awkward about my blue jeans and shoes — I had left home so early and in such a hurry that I had no time to plan more formal clothes to wear. I brought along the jacket I usually wore when I took naps in Room 330, and it looked presentable enough. But at the funeral home, I quickly discovered that it did not matter at all; people wore anything.

There I met John, Margaret, and the others, and signed the guest book. Joe lay in a deep red coffin. I told John that he really looked very peaceful, unlike any time when he was alive — which shows that Joe was not a very quiet and peaceful person while he was living.

I felt the same as when I looked at my parents in their respective coffins. People laughed and joked. I told John that I would attend the funeral at the funeral home tomorrow, and that I was willing to serve as a pallbearer, as long as the schedule could be worked out. They all understood, because they knew I was at the hospital all day. After today's events, I did not think I should consider going to Room 330.

I told the Bumbalo family that if anything happened early in the morning, I would call. John said that after everything was over, they had enough food to feed me for a week. Even in our pantry, life still went on.

As I am typing this passage, I am expecting Carla and Jane to call. But when I ended this session at 9:55, no call had come.

Then he said: Jane is sleeping well.

This part of the transmission is relatively plain and simple. In it we can also see that some of Jane's underlying panic was still constantly surging up at this time. And at this moment, even under these circumstances, he still insisted — even if it meant having a very short session, he still insisted. And the session itself provided him with a kind of calming, comforting, and healing effect, which was still very beneficial to him. So he would insist on having sessions under all kinds of circumstances.

The Funeral

On Monday morning, August 6, 1984¹⁴, I was dressed by 9:15, ready to go to Joe Bumbalo's funeral. I didn't want to hang around the house until 9:45, since the service started at 10:00, so I told Margaret I would first run over to the hospital to see Jane, then walk over.

Jane was a bit better, surprised to see me come early, and tried to decide whether to go for hydrotherapy; in the end she didn't go.

I was one of six pallbearers, standing on the terrace outside at the back of the service, three people in a row facing each other, while six other people carried the coffin between us, down the steps to the hearse. I found the whole funeral experience quite interesting, although I didn't understand much of what was going on.

A priest gave a short address at the funeral home. Perhaps for shock value, he also began by telling us that each of us would sooner or later experience the same thing Joe Bumbalo had experienced. This priest deliberately gave these people a bit of a scare, saying that in the future you all may go through the funeral process, that you will all die too.

The room where the coffin was placed had a beamed ceiling and was quite impressive. I thought that in that large room with the coffin, there was a timeless quality — the lighting and so on was itself not just a little symbolic. Right there in the room with the coffin, there was nothing in it symbolizing time, and there was also a certain special feeling to the light, which gave the room a certain symbolic significance. Like the room itself, isolated from the obvious time of day and night or the seasons, it gave one a feeling of being isolated from time.

I could see how every action in the funeral process had been so carefully evolved to help the bereaved family separate from the deceased. Finally that process — after all, that process — had been refined over hundreds of years. Rob meant that the entire funeral process, all the rituals, every segment and action, was very refined — how to put it — through years of evolution, hundreds of years of evolution, it had already been very refined, both short and effective while still giving the family who lost a loved one a final farewell ritual, balancing both.

There were three priests in charge of the whole funeral. They said Joe himself had planned most of the funeral, and that Joe had once asked him why good people die; the priest expanded that question and said, well, why does anyone die at all?

When we entered the church, booklets titled "Catholic Funeral" were distributed to everyone, and I kept my copy. During the service, I tried to stuff it into my coat pocket, and afterward I finally carried it out quite openly; no one questioned me or asked for it back. I wanted to show it to Jane — he brought this funeral booklet to show Jane. The booklet explained a lot of the sitting, standing, and kneeling rituals we went through in the church pews, and why they were done that way. Because for Rob, this was something rather curious, since he was not a Catholic, while Jane herself was a Catholic and so was very familiar with it; Rob wanted to bring this little booklet to show Jane.

The Bumbalo grandchildren brought up the gifts to the altar, we listened to hymns, the priests read selections from the Bible, and we gave the responses to the lead priest's reading of the appropriate scripture — he read passages such as the Gospel of John. That little booklet explained what lay behind this whole series of rituals in the funeral process, including those scriptures, which were all in it.

Later, when we finished looking through this booklet together in Room 330, Jane said this was all part of the Mass; the entire funeral was part of the Mass. She was just very surprised to see it all printed in English now, whereas in her day, in Jane's time, it was printed in Latin on one page, with the English translation printed on the opposite page. To her, the new way seemed very strange.

But the service was not as long as I had thought. Just before noon, we were on our way to the cemetery, winding through quiet side streets lined with trees on both sides. The weather had turned hot and bright — in fact, a beautiful day for the living. Although I agreed with the priests — when each of them said Joe was now in an even better place — there were perhaps 20 to 25 people at the graveside. Compared to the much larger group in the church, the priests gave short addresses; they were entirely sincere people, and I found listening to them quite fascinating.

Rob suddenly found that listening to the priests give their final eulogies was quite fascinating. When they spoke with such absolute sincerity and conviction about life after death through Jesus Christ and so on, it truly attracted Rob. I think their commitment was lifelong, and therefore necessarily different from most other people. These priests had devoted their whole lives to the religious cause; they were different from others — other people might say things without much concern, but they had spent their entire lives doing these religion-related things, or rather, had devoted their whole lives to the religious cause.

I privately wondered whether most of them carried out roughly the same procedure for each deceased person, and guessed how their sincerity and love must serve them well in such frequent repetition. Rob meant that they repeated this same ritual, this same process every day, so did they still have genuine sincerity from the heart, or were they just going through the motions? Because for those left behind, they had to sound sincere every time. They added the necessary personal touches — some of the eulogies for each deceased person were a little different — along with references and little stories, each one different, to fit the new deceased person's personal history. What he wanted to ask was: were these priests speaking these final prayers with the most sincere hearts? He meant that although it was very attractive to him, he wasn't sure whether they were truly sincere.

I didn't wait for the coffin to be lowered. I don't know whether the closest family members did — John Bumbalo had made arrangements for someone to give me a ride back to the hospital. Before the coffin was fully lowered into the grave, Rob left first, because there happened to be a car going back that way. My car was at the hospital.

After lunch, Jane and I finished reading the funeral booklet. I felt calm and tired, and put off these notes for quite a while — because he had gotten up very early. At the funeral home, a friend told me he didn't know how Jane and I had endured all this time. I said, either you can handle this kind of situation or you can't — he agreed. There's no point asking that question. I said I don't know how you all have endured it; either you can endure it or you can't. If you can't endure it, you might have all sorts of accidents, or you might leave this world; but since you're still alive, that means you can still endure it. He agreed, and offered whatever help he could give. I told him I was very tired, and indeed I was.

He really was very tired, because he not only had to care for a wife who was completely bedridden, but also had to organize these materials, including the book Dreams, "Evolution," and Value Fulfillment, which in the end he still hadn't finished organizing — he had only organized the first few parts, the first few chapters of the second volume — while also recording the new book, including The Way Toward Health, and typing up the records; he also had to deal with all the everyday matters from the publisher and letters from readers; he had even fantasized about finding time to do some painting himself, and so on; he also had to do a great deal of psychological counseling work to help Jane pull through her difficulties. So Rob felt extremely tired.

August 7: Changes in the Body

The next day, August 7, 1984, at noon Patty called me and said that if I could, Jane wanted me to come to Room 330 earlier. I finished a sandwich and went. When I got there, Jane was quite all right, but he had been very upset in the morning. He went to hydrotherapy and it did not go very well -- the new student intern helped him get positioned and did not do it right. Jane said, however, that he had had a much better night, and the night was fine; the hydrotherapy was not.

In recent days, I had told him many times that I thought the drainage from his right knee was generally much less, and that the scars on several other parts of his body were showing signs of improvement, all getting better. The lump on his left shoulder blade was also decreasing in size every day, changing quite a lot.

Today I was fairly quiet, mostly because I felt tired. He was very tired, he was very quiet, and I did not know what else I could do to get him to eat, or to be more open to bodily movement. So I said nothing, feeling very frustrated.

He really ate very little at lunch, although he said breakfast had gone better. I decided that I would not say anything more about hydrotherapy or eating, since it seemed to have no effect. I did not expect him to have a session. When he did, his voice was quite unsteady, very unsteady. He paused many times, occasionally speaking with a strange pronunciation that I found hard to understand, his eyes often closed.

Below is what Seth said through Jane. He came through and said:

Do not take it for granted. Say that the hydrotherapy situation has the worst of regrets.

That is to say, do not say that the hydrotherapy effect, or this experience -- the one that hurt Jane -- was not very good. Including the fact that the drainage from the knee was getting less and less, he felt that was not good, he felt the drainage should be more. It may not be very good -- for the healing of the knee, drainage is one way, drying from the bottom, drying upward from the bottom.

Nevertheless, that too is part of the healing process. Motion is being redistributed, and once again, confidence in the process is extremely important.

Confidence in the process is very important. Do not expect him to get better all at once; he also mentioned this issue last time.

I will try to return.

A long pause.

And Ruburt had considerable improvement during part of the night last night.

That is to say, he was calmer, just as Jane himself felt; his night felt very comfortable, unlike before, when the nights were very hard.

At 4:11, I read the session to Jane. At 4:26, a short continuation. Again, the session itself will help promote relaxation of body and mind and a feeling of comfort.

Then I wish you a supportive night.

Some supportive nights. And with that, this session was very, very short.

He said thank you. At 4:27, Jane ate very little for dinner, and then threw it all up again, so as a result he had taken in no food since noon. I was both frustrated and discouraged -- he simply would not eat, and there was no way around it; even when he ate, he would vomit.

At 9:15, he called with Carla's help and said something about how he should eat something before the night was over. I did not know how he could manage that, and I did not ask. Actually, by this time Rob no longer had much strength or energy left to keep paying attention to whether Jane ate a little more, because he had found that saying anything was useless. Even if Jane listened to him and ate, he would end up vomiting it out, and Rob did not want to see him suffer like that. He found there was no way around it either -- if the underlying beliefs did not change, these surface-level efforts did not mean much.

August 8: Two Poems

August 8, 1984, a Wednesday afternoon at 2:15. There was no class today; Jane wanted to present this mixture of poems and notes. Lunch was really light, and I did not prompt or ask questions about the hydrotherapy or anything else.

From 2:15 to 2:28 he dictated a poem:

High on the secret mountain Where nature's declarations come I feel a new tone, whole and free As in some old sweet recipe A whole new world Within those ingredients Gleaming and golden and bright And full of expectation And that tone spins in the natural world With a salute promising a new book to appear On the high mountain Where the earth's declaration is made There is a wind A rush and a force and a sound A sound that says nothing Yet forms new letters of life It glows and hums and clusters And bursts into fragments A jigsaw puzzle of light Sweet bombs of mystery Shooting out like seeds of flame With a fury and a force and a secret Known only to me

This is a real poem, and it has very deep meaning, illustrating one of his points -- that in his world he foretold the emergence of such a new book, the emergence of a new world, a sound that does not speak, a golden melody, a brilliant golden melody, spinning. All of this is a feeling and an experience of entering into a certain state. So although his poems look very strange, they are actually very spiritual and imaginative.

Then he said, there is another poem:

There are many Mondays Stuffed into corners Children left them there A long time ago So I gathered them up Washed them and hung them out to dry The wind of time quickly dried them So they flutter in the new morning sunlight A month Fluttering in the new sunlight a cosmic laundry

Why did the children throw them away? Because children do not like Mondays, so the children threw the Mondays away. But Jane gathered up all these Mondays and dried them out in the sun -- because there is nothing wrong with Mondays; every week, just like every day, is that brilliant and beautiful.

Facing the Dialogue of Death

Below is Rob speaking: Today when I arrived at Room 330, the first thing I learned was that Jeff Kard had increased Jane's sedative from once every three hours to once every two hours. Jane finally told me that he had been very uncomfortable in the morning, although he had been fairly well through most of the night.

His words turned to -- in fact, he said he was thinking about death again. Perhaps in his sleep he had already attained a kind of peace of mind -- that is, when he thought about death, he instead attained a peace of mind -- and he also gave me some peace, so that he also felt peaceful. At that time, sometimes the pain really became unbearable for him.

He spoke of how much he loved life, and of the wonderful times we had had before his illness and even for quite a while after it began. He also said he was surprised that his life was ending at such a young age; he himself found it strange, why his life was ending so young.

He told me that after his death, I would have a very wonderful life, and that I myself would be very free. And in fact Jane was not wrong -- Jane's extrasensory ability to span time and space in this way was indeed very strong, although at times there were many things he was unwilling to say and unwilling to speak of, but that did not mean he did not know. And at this time, he finally said it; he finally told Rob: After I die, your life will be very wonderful, and you will also be quite free.

So at this time, many of his words went unsaid. In a certain sense -- and this is my own personal speculation; Jane never said it -- in a certain sense, Jane's departure was actually a greater gift of life to Rob, allowing Rob to truly begin a freer life, just as he had said, a freer life, allowing Rob to begin a more wonderful life. This was what Jane did not say aloud. So on the question of whether to keep living or to leave, he had in fact always been hesitating and undecided, and this was also something at the bottom of his heart that he was unwilling to share, or that he never shared -- this is my own personal feeling.

Just as he said here, after his death Rob would have a very good life. At the end of this book, you will see Rob introduce some things that happened after Jane's death, and in that process, you will feel how accurate and precise Jane's prophecy at this moment was. And only then will you understand that Jane's decision at this moment -- that he was truly thinking about death, that he decided to leave -- was in fact also carried within it a very deep love for Rob. Although he knew that his departure at this moment would make Rob very sad, considering the decades of happy life Rob would have afterward, he still chose to leave.

He said these things in the same matter-of-fact voice he had used the last time he told me similar things about death. That was before Seth had recently said -- that no matter what he thought or said, he would not die now. I would always keep these words firmly in mind. Yet he again -- he again spoke of his dying -- once more dealt with the possibility of death quite seriously. He had spoken of it once before, and in between, Seth had once said that no matter what, he would not die now, and Rob firmly kept this in mind; he believed Jane would not die. But he had not expected that after this matter had passed, Jane would once again consider the possibility of death very seriously, as if there were a feeling of setting his affairs in order.

The lump on his shoulder had risen again, but I noticed that his knees had not drained at all, nor had they drained the entire afternoon. Jane said he had been imagining himself in the old apartment on Walter Street -- we later rented two rooms in that apartment -- and wandering around the city as he used to do before. He used to live in the city center, and he could go downstairs and stroll around the city. Everything was as if he were making one last grand tour.

After he had said all this, he asked me how I felt. I said I had nothing to say. I no longer talked on and on or got angry and so forth as I had before. I could hardly ask him to do things he did not want to do -- I did not want to say anything either, nor did I want to keep pushing him to do this or that or make him change anything; I said nothing more. But I also did not say even this -- that if he wanted to die, then so be it.

If Jane really wanted to die, then so be it. I thought, to hell with it, let him die -- that was a way of speaking with a bit of temper -- then just die; if he wanted to die like this, I could not stop him. I decided once again not to worry about whether he lived or died, or whether he was starving himself or whatever. I also no longer said, eat a little more every day, do not starve yourself, or change your beliefs and adjust this or that. I no longer said anything to him -- if he really wanted to leave, then let him leave.

Loosening the Legs

When I was massaging his legs while getting the spare olive oil -- as I always did before turning him over -- something interesting happened. When I pressed on the major tendons and ligaments under his left knee, I found them as tight and strong as steel. This was how it usually was -- the muscles around these joints on Jane's body simply could not relax, they were especially tight, the kind of tightness you get when a person is straining with all their might to tense their muscles. And if a person stayed this tense for years on end, twenty-four hours a day, it would cause that part of the muscle to become damaged or necrotic -- no one can keep a muscle this tense for so long without it being able to relax.

But the next second, they suddenly became very elastic, they gave way, no longer tense, suddenly elastic -- this really startled me. Under my hands, they seemed to turn into rubber, elastic, and Jane cried out in surprise. His legs began to tremble, and his feet began to move too. After I massaged his legs for a while, his head and shoulders moved as well. Surprising, very surprising.

Seth had said before that his body had already begun to turn itself back around -- that is, the body had already begun shifting in the direction of recovery. And at this point, think about it: Jane had been hospitalized for close to a year, less than a year, nearly a year -- and the stiff parts of his body suddenly began to soften, and the places that could not move suddenly began to be able to move. And it was just Rob massaging him with essential oil for a little while, just this one small action, and this greatly surprised both Jane and Rob. This change was something they had not expected. Even though Jane had just been discussing how he would arrange his life after death.

I found the same corresponding condition on the right foot and right leg. When I carefully massaged him, he also began to move, including his feet, head, and shoulders. While I was pressing on his legs, Jane cried again, and kept making a series of beeping sounds, his eyes closed. I knew he was both afraid of my touch -- because it would hurt a lot -- and had not anticipated the reactions and movements in those legs. He was both in pain and looking forward to those reactions and changes.

I told him I did not want to overdo it, so I turned him onto his side and stopped pressing. After my nap, I turned him back, and when I propped up his legs with pillows, I found that they could still move, the legs were still moving, because the tendons were still soft. At the same time Jane felt pain. I said, pain is a good thing, natural enough -- he had not been able to feel pain before, in the stiff parts. Because according to traditional belief, muscles that have not been used are supposed to hurt, for example after your leg falls asleep from squatting, the place that went numb will hurt.

I also let out a few barbed comments, meaning that no matter what his body wanted, he would not let it do what it loved to do. What Rob meant was, your body actually wants to move, but as soon as the body starts moving you say it hurts, and Rob said this pain is actually a good thing, proof that your body is recovering. Not knowing pain, staying tense and numb all the time, having no sensation of pain is actually worse. Now that you have softened and can move, even though it hurts a little or hurts a lot, this is all good -- you cannot stop moving just because it hurts.

He said, let me say that he had suppressed his body for many years, he had suppressed his body for many years. And now when he began to move, he would feel pain and complain, even though that movement must be what he wanted. Although he wanted to move, and his body would move, he would find pain.

I found that I had confused him, because he could not tell the difference between what I said about the body wanting freedom, and his desire to suppress his striving impulses. Jane was a bit confused; he did not understand whether he wanted freedom or wanted to suppress them, which one it was, he could not tell. I explained, and he seemed to figure it out -- Rob told him these two were different, and it seemed he had made it clear to Jane.

But he was in a lot of pain, and I rang again for the sedative, because the staff had not delivered it within the two-hour window as required. He was in a lot of pain again. Jane was both surprised and delighted by the unexpected movements -- he was both surprised and delighted that his body could suddenly move, that the muscles had become soft and the tendons had become soft as well, very surprised. I said, we will try again tomorrow.

In fact after dinner, he began to hurt even more -- this was normal, actually more normal. Because those muscles had been stiff for too long, and suddenly began to move, this kind of pain was normal. Imagine if a muscle stays tense and contracted for months, hard as steel, and suddenly it relaxes -- it is not what you think, that he would feel very comfortable. No, the first sensation is pain. When you are tense, the sensation of pain generally decreases. For example, when you are boxing with someone, or when you tense up all the muscles in your body, if someone hits you then your pain sensation decreases; when your body is relaxed and very soft, then even a light pinch will hurt a lot. The reason is that pain sensation decreases when you are tense, and increases when you are relaxed. And Rob considered this normal.

After dinner he began to hurt even more. Apart from lightly massaging his right thigh a few times, I did not know what to do. Rob said, I did not know what to do either. I felt him moving under my hands, even though I was also surprised -- even with the shattered knee, his right knee was shattered, after being held in that position for months -- because once his knee moved, the whole leg could not move -- he could still do this, he could still move like this.

But his lower abdomen was still hard as a rock. I stayed an extra half hour, trying to help him calm down, and in the end there seemed to be some progress, on that right leg there seemed to be some progress after all. He asked me -- whether I felt some hope -- do you feel there is some hope now? And I said yes. A strange question from someone who had earlier been speaking intensely about death -- in the morning still talking about death, in the afternoon feeling he had hope of living again.

I knew that my own statement -- that he would not let his body go its own healing way -- was clearly a reaction to his earlier words about death. Rob was actually losing his temper. I do not think I went too far; he felt what he said was very reasonable. Although at present anything like that troubled Jane, and these words were meaningless, probably only troubling Jane more. Even when it was true, it made it meaningless. I assume the most important thing was that I expressed my own interpretation of what I saw. In the end I believed my words were right, because he arrived at an interpretation based on what he saw and heard. Because later he told me that he had expressed some intuitive truths -- Rob said, and Jane said you expressed some intuitive truths. But who knows -- maybe there was something salvageable after all.

When I was getting ready to leave Room 330 at 7:30, Jane actually smiled -- in the morning he had still been crying, still sad, still in pain, still discussing arrangements after death -- and now he smiled. He said, maybe I will eventually -- I will eventually go home. He was asking: maybe I will eventually go home. And then Rob said, that is right, this is the state you should be in. I said, a few days ago I mentioned that idea -- Rob said I had just said this a few days ago -- you can go home, maybe with a specially made bed, go back to feel it, in your own little yard, see your own cats, see your own home -- this was an idea Rob had once mentioned.

Letting Go and Turning Around

And at this point, Jane began to shift from her morning conviction that she might be about to leave, to the afternoon when, after Rob gave her a simple massage, her body suddenly underwent these changes. What happened in between? There are two points.

One is what Seth said -- actually, after Jane released her grudges and those deep-seated emotions toward her mother, Jane had already relaxed a great deal. From that point on, her body was actually already turning toward improvement -- her sense of guilt toward her mother, her feelings of remorse, and her relationship with her mother had all improved to some degree. That is the first point.

The second point is that when Jane thoroughly and seriously faced and contemplated the life and the world after her departure -- when she truly faced death, looked death straight in the eye, and said, after I die, how will things be arranged, how will Rob live, and so on -- when she truly thought about this matter seriously, she actually gained a sense of peace and calm. As she herself said, her nights actually became very restful, because she had already accepted the fact: I will eventually leave. And as I said earlier, she also carried within her a greater love -- she felt that her departure might allow the good things in Rob's life to arrive sooner. For example, on a subconscious level she believed that if she did not leave, she also did not think she could ever recover to the way she was before, so she would just remain as she was now. Even if life continued on, extending for another ten years, twenty years, thirty years, she felt it would not be any better for Rob -- rather, it would be an unfavorable ending.

This is the whole reason why Jane's body suddenly turned around at the end -- both of these points were at work. One was that after relaxing, after that thorough facing of death, and then after completely letting go, her entire body relaxed. And then that love also emerged -- her love for Rob, a love that transcended possessiveness. Because she would eventually leave, and when she left she would think: the person I love, I am willing for him to be happier, I hope he can live a happier life, I hope he will find someone who loves him more, or someone more suitable for him, to live better in the latter half of his life -- even though Rob was already sixty-five. When she transcended this small love, this petty love between two people -- the idea that you must be with me in order to live a happy life, and you cannot live a happy life with anyone else -- she actually experienced a kind of sublimation. After this letting go and sublimation, her entire body likewise let go of its tension. Combined with the earlier reason, she also let go of the grudges between herself and her mother.

This turnaround was actually very good. If she had seized this opportunity, Jane could actually have fully recovered. Muscles that had been stiff for years could relax, could become soft, and the recovery of the body would also have been easy. This was an extremely rare opportunity.

August 9: A Lesson as a Proclamation from Higher Consciousness

Thursday, August 9, 1984, 3:58 p.m.

Jane did not call last night. Rob arrived a few minutes early; Patty had just turned her over, and she was in a great deal of pain. But she had a good night and morning, and she ate some breakfast. When she asked him to, Rob almost immediately massaged the area below her left knee, and he was happy to see that the movement in her legs, head, and shoulders came back right away. She said that all night and all morning she had been assuring herself that movement was all right, that she trusted her body, and there had been some movement. Her knee had only a small amount of drainage.

This morning she did not go for hydrotherapy. She said, "You must be kidding" -- actually she had not wanted to go for hydrotherapy for quite a while. At breakfast Rob told her that if it was at all possible, he hoped she would have a session today, as encouragement for her new direction. After a very small lunch and a sedative, Rob read her yesterday's session and poem to her. She was completely ready to have a session, but Rob had not pushed her yet. Rob read her the August 7 session, in which Seth said that her physical improvement had already begun. Rob said, "I believe it is safe to say she has tried -- they have tried." He told her that he hoped they would continue, and that he wanted her at home with him.

Her left hand was causing her a lot of discomfort, and Rob massaged them. Her arms and hands kept moving. At 3:15, Jane began to feel panicky again. They talked about it, and she was not sure of the cause. Rob thought it involved her fear of movement, as well as the old family matters, and she agreed. Half crying, her arms and hands began to move more. Rob rubbed her legs and got more response, but he tried not to overdo it.

Jane said she wanted to try a session. Her voice was somewhat sad, with many pauses, but on the whole it was all right. Her eyes stayed closed. Then Seth said:

Events are, as we have explained, proclamations that come from distant countries.

"The proclamations" come -- that is, from faraway places, not from this world, from somewhere else. Proclaiming what?

Ruburt is joyfully learning about the miracle of normal bodily motion.

The miracle of a normal bodily motion. Once again, the very substance of the session was indeed rearranged, reorganized -- that is, the session itself was arranged, organized, and readjusted. Therefore:

The body's and the mind's contents are filled with soothing, healing information and medicine.

Seth's content had already begun to rearrange and organize itself, so that her body and mind would be filled with soothing, healing, therapeutic effects. Then he continued:

Ruburt will live to come home, in a far better physical condition.

He will live to come home. Then he said, "I may return for a while." Jane said, "Okay, thank you." Seth once again gave Ruburt an assurance: she could live to come home.

At 4:00, Jane said she still felt a little panicky, and she was half crying. The nurse dropped by and told them the sedative would be sent at 4:30. For some mysterious reason, it was delayed by half an hour.

Rob read the session to Jane and said it was "an excellent effect." He said the key was that she mentioned her understanding of bodily movement -- she was beginning to understand the natural bodily movement of a normal person. Rob mentioned Seth's word "joy," and Jane said she felt that joy -- even when Rob helped her move her arm and she cried out, making those sounds of pain, she could feel the joy.

Rob put eye drops in for Jane. After all the extra movement she had gone through, Rob turned down the TV volume. He told her that he wanted her home -- all the rooms in the house were waiting for her.

When Rob massaged Jane and prepared to turn her onto her side, Jane's movement, especially in her legs, was quite astonishing. The movement was quite good. Rob was surprised to find that when he massaged the tendons under her knee, her foot began to move back and forth an inch -- something she had not been able to do for at least several months. The foot could move an inch, which proved that the left knee joint was not frozen, that her left leg's knee had not been locked in place and unable to move. Rob congratulated her.

After turning her over, the turning itself was indeed very easy, and she did not cry out at all -- normally turning over caused her a lot of pain. As if in a certain calm, massaging her arms and hands and other parts of her body was also easier. Rob told her she had done very well. In fact, Rob did not ask her to, and she kept moving.

Dinner, however, was not a success. After drinking half a bowl of soup, she began to vomit, and she threw up everything. This upset Rob, but Jane did not mind. Rob kept suppressing his disappointment and stayed with her until after 7:30.

"You'd better leave here," Jane said. Meaning that the longer Rob stayed, the more she would keep moving, and Rob was only concerned that she not overdo the movement, which would lead to sore muscles -- because for someone who had not moved for a long time, after muscles have gone too long without exercise, sustained movement could cause soreness. Jane said, "If you leave, this body of mine won't move." Her body was extremely willing to cooperate, if it was allowed to.

Rob thought, "She has either already learned -- or she is on the way, on the way to learning. Learning to let her body move like a normal person. She has been bedridden too long, unable to move. The important thing is to let this movement continue, but still not to try too hard and overdo it, and to let the body move on its own."

Rob said, "If you keep improving the way you did today, you will make rapid progress." She completely agreed. And Rob said, "Why not? It is always possible. As Seth said --"

Miracles are nature unimpeded.

What is a miracle? It is nature that has not been obstructed. Jane had every kind of help, so let us see what happens. At least for now, Rob could accept anything. Jane said yesterday that even with just a 30% improvement, she would be very happy. Perhaps she is on her way.

At 9:25, with Carla's help, Jane called. Rob was typing these words, and he told his wife again: today she did very well.

August 11: The Promise of the Back Porch

Saturday, August 11, 1984, 4:09 p.m.

Today Rob brought the painting Jane called "Irises" to Room 330 -- it was one of her best paintings. She was very happy to see it. When Rob unwrapped it, two nurses were present. Rob told her that tomorrow he would change the portraits of his oil paintings on the bulletin board, and at the same time change and rearrange the other paintings that had been brought to Room 330 over the past weeks, and take some things down from the walls. It looked beautiful, redecorating the whole room with new paintings.

When Rob arrived, Jane felt restless, so he quickly helped her turn over and lie down. She said, however, that most of the night had gone quite well, and the morning too. No hydrotherapy. She kept reminding herself of "trust in the body," and that helped.

She ate a much better lunch than usual, including a little solid food. After lunch Rob massaged her legs as always, and again got a good response. The arms, hands, and head moved too.

Jane asked Rob to read some Seth material to her. Rob chose the last nine sessions -- begun on July 30 with new resolve and intention, after the long hiatus since July 4. All were short sessions, but now they carried the future, and so far they had brought good results. They also talked about plans for the future.

When Jane said she wanted to have a session, her voice in trance was quite unsteady, and Rob had to ask her to repeat several words. Seth said:

Now Ruburt will truly be able to return home in a much better condition, and at last be able to sit in a wheelchair-like chair.

He would at last be able to sit in a chair like a wheelchair.

The right leg will become much more movable, so that he may be able to sit down.

He may be able to sit down with day-to-day... Just at that moment, unfortunately, a nurse came to deliver her tranquilizer and interrupted them. Although the interruption lasted only a few minutes, it was still too long, and it broke off the transmission. Then Seth continued:

I may or may not return, but he will once again sit on his back porch.

Seth assured her again: she could return home, and she could sit on her back porch.

"That was it," Jane said. The session was very short.

At 4:14 p.m. Jane took her tranquilizer, which she had to take about every two hours.

"Is it possible to recover well enough to sit on the back porch again?" Jane asked this, half crying. Rob said, "Why not?"

She continued to sob, her face contorted: "If only I could go home, and the possibility of sitting on my porch again -- with all my heart and soul, I want so much to believe him. If only I could go home, I would truly believe I could go home. If only there were this possibility, I would truly believe him. If only you would give me a shred of hope, I could believe him one hundred percent."

Rob said, "All right, then let us work toward achieving these things."

From her right knee, Rob could see no drainage. And he believed the swelling in her right shoulder had gone down considerably. Throughout the afternoon she was sometimes quite uncomfortable, but on the whole, Rob thought she was better -- meaning that their methods of these days were helping considerably.

August 13: Seeds of Motion

Monday, August 13, 1984, 3:45 p.m.

Jane did not call last night. When Rob arrived at Room 330 today, Li Ta and Patty again had difficulty getting her to lie comfortably on her back. Rob straightened her out, made her more comfortable, and she was much better. However, she did not eat much at lunch. Jane said she made occasional motions during the night and this morning.

Rob massaged her legs at 3:15, again with good results. He saw the feet and toes responding. Tomorrow he wants to concentrate more on her upper body. After massaging for quite a while, Jane dictated the following poem. Her feet were still moving, her eyes closed for a long time, her voice quiet, with many pauses. The poem is:

On a boulder hidden far away in the world Far, far above Where all of nature's proclamations rise An express delivery brings a sweet message A swift message In which dear secrets are unfolded Seeds of motion Sweetly glowing and mysterious A sudden and unknown tone Speaking and moving Its meaning in the eye sockets Known only to me alone Its source is higher Its message is clearer Though he speaks not in words Not in letters Nor in syllables Yet he is able to receive it clearly

This is a little poem by Jane.

At 4:26, after they had talked about various subjects, including politics that Jane likes, she asked Rob to turn down the TV volume. Rob may have said no more than a sentence or two. Then Seth came through:

I merely want to reassure Ruburt that I am present, and let him know that I am here once again affirming my statements about him sitting on the balcony.

Again and again, reassure him: you can certainly return home and sit on the balcony.

Regardless of the session's text, new nuances and motions.

The content of this text will bring about Jane's motions and some changes in nuance. He said, all of this can be brought about through this text, this new kind of change.

I wish you both a good, reassured afternoon.

He said, "Good afternoon." Just those few short sentences.

At 4:30 Jane's dictation was so quiet that Rob had to ask her to repeat a few words. What Seth referred to was last Saturday's session of August 11 -- when he first mentioned that Jane would be able to sit on her back balcony again. Since then he has also mentioned the same thing.

Rob tried to turn Jane onto her left side for half an hour, and then she wanted to take a nap. Rob first massaged her legs and arms, and again got a good response, a very good response. She is fine, indeed, and indeed is beginning to respond to the new hope we are creating -- the new hope of returning home.

August 16: Healing Fasting

Thursday, August 16, 1984, 4:37 p.m.

From 3:47 to 3:57, Jane dictated the following poem to Rob:

Behind the highest clouds people have ever seen There are mountains and hidden caves From which all true proclamations come Their sentences are soundless They contain one word They release and fill in the secret contract between spirit and man Spoken long ago Not one word or a single phrase And spoken only for me A magical tone and a secret message And a sweet response Known only to me

This is a short poem by Jane. In her poem one can feel that she is still maintaining communication with a higher consciousness — similar in meaning to her poem from the previous session, she can sense a kind of message from a higher dimension of consciousness, representing this link between a higher, farther-reaching consciousness and human beings.

At 4:37 Jane said: "I might want to write this down, but I have this idea — not eating may be a healing fasting situation of the body, a natural version of the body healing itself."

She said that her not eating right now might be a natural process of her body's self-healing, and told Rob not to be nervous, not to think that just because she was not eating she was trying to starve herself to death — it might be a self-healing process.

But Rob was not buying it: "For what purpose?" Jane said: "For a healing process." Rob said: "I did not really understand her answer to my question, but I could see she could not bear my pressing, so I let it go."

What she ate was still not enough to stop the weight loss. Therefore if she insisted on not eating, there would be extremely serious consequences — she had already gone far beyond such a limit, eating far too little, almost not eating at all.

August 17: Panic and Shame

Friday, August 17, 1984, 3:30 p.m.

This morning Georgia called at about 11:30, and Jane asked Rob to come to Room 330 earlier. While Rob was writing Chapter 9 of Dreams, "Evolution," and Value Fulfillment, he opened the garage door and met a woman who was pulling into the driveway. She had a tumor and wanted to see Jane. She had written to them several times, and before long Rob stopped replying -- not just to her, but to all readers, because Rob no longer had the energy to answer letters. And her condition was not particularly good either. Rob talked with her for a few minutes, saying he had no choice and had to leave.

He heard her car's radiator boiling, although she was not leaking. She followed his car down the ramp and into a gas station there, where Rob waved goodbye to her. He said he might have received her most recent letter, but he had not answered reader mail for some time.

Jane was not as bad as the last time she called Rob to Room 330 early in the morning. Rob gave her left leg a special massage before lunch, and it helped -- it did help. After lunch Rob went downstairs to deposit a check received yesterday from the insurance company. It was a rather good, rather small amount -- five thousand dollars. It was a mystery; he did not know what it was for, and neither did the accounting department. In any case, the checks the insurance company received now all had to be turned over to the hospital.

When Rob finally returned to Room 330, he said to Jane: "Strange, perhaps the whole insurance mess will reopen with even more confusion. I should have known the quiet of the past few months was deceptive." Their bills had accumulated again to about fifty-five thousand dollars, and during this time the insurance company had not sent Rob any checks. Rob had thought the hospital could bill them quarterly or something -- that was surely wishful thinking. If there were any way, he would forget all of it -- they still faced the problem of the insurance company's payment for Jane's medical expenses, still not completely resolved.

Once again, Jane ate very little for lunch. Although Georgia said she ate fairly well at breakfast, she was essentially still starving herself. While Rob went down to pay the bill, Jane chatted with Georgia and smoked. Jane said she would hold a session later. Then, when Rob was ready to handle the mail, she changed her mind. Her voice trembled badly, was not very clear, rather shrill, with little variation in tone, and her eyes opened and closed from time to time. Then Seth said:

I wish you a compassionate and healing afternoon.

Ruburt need not fear or feel ashamed of that sense of panic.

She need not fear the panic, nor need she feel ashamed. Those feelings of guilt, too -- that panic also should be expressed.

And once again, they clear the way for the heart's energy.

The extra motion you have seen, like the seasons, rises naturally, and will bring about an ever-increasing sense of ease.

This motion is very good.

Signs of composure will now be seen.

Once again, you are of the greatest assistance.

Rob read the session back to her. Seth said:

We may or may not return, but my presence, attention, and energy are with him.

Then Jane said: "That is all."

At 3:36, the word "shame" was new to Rob -- he had not thought Jane would have this feeling of shame. "That may be the reason I held this session," Jane said she sometimes felt ashamed of the panic, and agreed with Rob that -- if that shame might be used to suppress the panic, her panic would persist. If suppressed with shame, that would instead make the panic last longer.

Rob had to admit that when his wife said she felt ashamed of the panic, he was taken aback. He had not thought there was anything left she could hide from him. But on reflection, he understood that her behavior was very typical -- very secretive, that is, feeling ashamed of this emotion of hers without telling Rob. Perhaps he should have guessed that something like this was going on. But on the other hand, how could he be responsible? Except possibly in an unimportant respect -- what could he do about it? How could he control her thoughts? She actually had thoughts of shame about her own panic. He could do nothing, and he could not help her.

It was things like this that made him despair. He was in great despair, because once again he saw Jane walking along the same old path, and wondered what had been learned from all of this -- if anything had really been learned at all. He wondered: "If my wife is at death's door and is currently starving herself, how can one say much has been learned? She has reached death's door -- what can she learn? If she has learned so much, how could she starve herself?"

Rob said:

We must foresee and overcome every challenge, each on a lower level.

They were on a very low level, a very, very elementary level. And merely breaking through it and overcoming it -- overcoming these challenges on such a low level -- only leaves a person on the level just above the one where the fall itself occurred.

The problem Jane was dealing with, or the problems Rob now faced in watching Jane deal with them, were all very low-level problems. She should have passed this stage long ago, but she still kept returning to it -- having self-blame and a sense of shame toward herself.

The muscles that have never rushed up several rungs, several steps -- we can look back from there in victory.

Rob said they had never had the feeling of rushing up many steps at once and standing at a height looking back down. Rob's feeling was that they always returned to the lowest, lowest stage, back to the starting point, and at that point still had not broken through. This was what made Rob extremely frustrated and dejected -- Jane was still entangled in these bottom-level beliefs, including her panic and her shame about the panic, all on a very low level.

While Rob was massaging Jane's left leg, she made so much noise, so many sounds, that Georgia came in, thinking something had happened. Rob explained the benefits of doing this and showed her what he was doing. Georgia understood. After the session, Rob massaged all of Jane's limbs, and again achieved some excellent results. Jane had more movement especially in her legs and feet.

And despite those good results, Rob thought: "What do you have to do to get back to where you fell from, where you fell from." He meant that place of belief -- the belief from which you fell, you have to return to that place. Merely "I massage, she moves; I massage, she moves" like that was not enough to bring Jane back onto her road to recovery. That was one of Rob's feelings.

August 23: The Gift of a Washing Machine

The next session is August 23, 1984, Thursday, 2:46 p.m. This is a note for August 22.

To their delightful surprise, they did something that made both of them feel very happy. Because Jane told Rob about one of the aides who had taken care of her this morning -- this aide lives apart from her husband and three children, and at noon today she saw a secondhand washing machine but could not afford the $130 price. Rob told her they would pay for it. Perhaps he said we could buy it for her, and that would save her from going to the laundromat to do laundry.

Jane immediately and enthusiastically agreed. As if on cue, the aide happened to come in right then to empty Jane's urine bag. They explained their idea to her -- that they wanted to help her buy this secondhand washing machine. Predictably, she refused at first, but they persuaded her.

"No one has ever done anything like that for me," she said.

They did not explain in great detail that others had also helped them. Jane and Rob said not to feel guilty, because we have also received help from others -- people have been sending us checks to help us, and it is only right that we help you within our means. They decided that tomorrow he would give her cash, rather than asking her or the store to send us the bill. She could not believe they would be so kind. She kissed both of them. They asked her not to tell anyone, although they expected she would tell Georgia -- who was Jane's closest friend in the hospital. When she finished her work and left, she thanked them again.

Rob said: "I have not seen Jane so enthusiastic about doing anything in a long time. She was truly filled with joy, and I knew immediately that we had made the right decision." He found that this might have a very good healing effect on his wife. Helping others in this way was a breakthrough for them -- they rarely helped others in this way. Rob had often been very curious about what he or anyone else could still do to help Jane, and here, one possible answer had been right in front of them all along. What? The answer was to help others. By helping others, one could indirectly achieve the purpose of helping Jane. They suddenly, by chance, discovered such a very meaningful thing, and Jane became excited and enthusiastic all over, changing from her recent drowsy, muddled state.

And on August 23, this morning at 5:45, the telephone ring pulled Rob out of bed. At 5:45 in the morning, it could not possibly be anyone other than someone from the hospital. As he rushed out of the bedroom, he was thinking it was the night-shift nurse. He spoke with Jane, and Jane said: "I am not critically ill or anything -- but can you come now? I feel so awful."

At 5:45 in the morning, Jane could not bear the pain, and she had the aide call him so that Rob would come earlier. Rob immediately fed the cat, shaved, and then arrived at Room 330 before 7 o'clock.

Jane was very sore. Rob called two night-shift aides to help, and they took the electronic blocks out from under her body, and gradually they made her somewhat more comfortable. Her whole face was tense with pain, and she did not look very peaceful. The tranquilizer helped calm her down. Rob saw that the swollen blister on her left shoulder blade had grown much larger, and this was causing her great discomfort. At first she did not know whether to continue sleeping on her side or to lie down, but in fact changing position helped.

Head nurse Mary came in, and Rob said the blister should be lanced to drain it and relieve the pressure. She agreed, and he would use a needle to puncture it. She noted it on the chart and left. Very harmonious, but all day long there was no action, and no doctor came out to lance this swelling, to puncture this blister.

At breakfast Jane said that, if there was any possibility at all, she would like to have a short session later today. As the day went on, she seemed to feel somewhat more comfortable. Rob brought Chapter 9 of Dreams, "Evolution," and Value Fulfillment and his notebook to the hospital. When she told him to close the door and take out the session notebook, he was working on the book.

Jane's voice was intermittent, almost shrill, speaking in an unusually monotonous tone. Most of the time her eyes were half closed. Then Seth said:

A good afternoon.

Despite its seeming simplicity and silliness, the giving of money to help another's present need was, in its own way, a stroke of genius.

Because of Ruburt's mixed symbolic and practical nature, the gesture gave him an excellent, clear sense of self-approval, in a way he had not experienced for quite some time, and it was most valuable.

It is the reason for his beginning to consume solid food.

Your own conduct was also impeccable in approving of him and in your very early visit.

Seth affirmed Rob's work in this regard. This kind of self-approval is very meaningful, and this practical approach is very good for Jane.

I suggest that you massage him.

He said: "I cannot overemphasize this point." He kept emphasizing it.

I also strongly suggest that small gifts of money such as this, given to people you and Ruburt know are in need, can result in a turning point toward action and motion.

This is a turning point.

I suggest that such activity begin immediately.

Beginning immediately with small amounts of money and helping others in this way has a turning-point effect on Jane.

Of course the books had helped others in a much larger way -- the Seth material they transmitted has helped more people in more and greater ways. But Seth said they needed this quick method of using small amounts of money to help specific people, rather than the larger way in which their books could help more people. This kind of "rapid inoculation" approach, to help Jane.

The body is showing signs of even more activity.

The body is improving.

And the kind of gesture mentioned will beautifully reinforce the ease of the moving mind.

Your own acquiescence to the money suggestion is also highly pertinent.

I may or may not return, but again, the session itself will encourage more calmness and confidence. I may indeed return, but I want the two of you to discuss these sessions.

He wanted the two of them to discuss the content of these sessions well. This segment, in fact, was already a very long session given Jane's current condition.

As the session progressed, Jane's feet began to move along with it. Rob read this session to her. Because of a visit from Frank Longwell, they did not have much chance to discuss these sessions. Rob told Frank that the red wasp he had helped them with in the backyard had apparently died, but he said it was not necessarily really dead.

Rob massaging Jane's limbs and helping with their movements had good results. To his surprise, at noon today she tasted several different kinds of food. That was what the dietary department sent on her meal card at Georgia's request. In the past few days Rob had seen some progress in her eating, but today was the best so far, today was the best.

August 30: A Flash of Insight

Next session, August 30, 1984, Thursday, 2:50 p.m.

Yesterday, when Rob arrived at Room 330 at 12:45, Jane was still lying on her side. She looked terrible, gaunt from eating so little. Rob thought her curled-up posture resembled that of an old fetus.

Then Jane said, "I may have chosen death." She said it weakly.

Rob said very frankly, "You have, you really have chosen death. But it won't be long now. I don't see any way you can change yourself now, it's too late." By this point, Rob had actually given up. He could no longer see any sign in Jane that she was moving toward change.

"I don't want to hear that," Jane said. "Please turn the TV up." Her favorite soap opera was on.

That brief exchange almost summed up their attitudes these days, as well as the condition of Jane's deteriorating body. Jane ate some lunch yesterday, but hardly any dinner, and she ate even less at lunch today. Rob reminded her that he had to go to the dentist at 4:15. This immediately compressed her sense of the time in which she could do anything, although Rob did not feel any pressure. She often asked him what time it was.

After a frequent lunch, Jane said that last night she had a flash of insight, like a voice in her ear, saying that this time she would not die. Very brief, but extremely clear. Just that one sentence suddenly flashed into her ear.

Rob knew she had something to tell him after lunch, but he had not expected this. He had no reaction to the news. He immediately recalled that when their lawyer told them the insurance matter had been completely resolved, he had also been utterly without reaction — even though they had been busy for months, nearly a year, resolving their insurance issues, going back and forth, negotiating with the insurance company under great difficulty, even hiring a lawyer to help them resolve it. But when the lawyer finally told him the matter was settled, he felt no joy at all. He said it was the same feeling — when Jane told him she had suddenly had a flash of insight and felt she would not die, Rob also felt no joy whatsoever.

Clearly, having taken in fear, worry, and negativity again and again, along with Jane's daily worsening condition, Rob was completely numb and unable to respond. He neither believed nor disbelieved. Perhaps he was afraid to hope, afraid of having more hope.

In any case, Jane seemed to feel much better. So when she even talked about having a session this afternoon, Rob went along with it. He asked her to help him fill out the menu, because he had decided it was useless to put items on it that she never ate. He had Jane help him fill in the foods she would eat, to give to the hospital — because at the end of the month, when arranging the next month's meals, a few days earlier they had arranged some foods Jane had never eaten, hoping to give her a change of appetite, perhaps to get her to eat a little more. But he found that it did not help. Jane had never eaten those foods before, and she certainly would not eat them now.

Then she said her legs were clamoring for movement exercises, so Rob gave her left leg a special massage. Her legs and feet still moved quite well. Jane said her body wanted to move. When she wanted to, Jane could push herself to do things, so they started the session a little early, because Rob had to leave later.

After all this time, Rob must have been more negative than he realized. Because when she said she would not die now, he did not believe her. It seemed to him that her life was clearly almost over. These days, when she said she was going to die, he agreed with her.

Jane's Seth voice was very weak, and Rob had difficulty making out some of the half-trembling words, her eyes half-closed most of the time. Then Seth said:

We will skip the opening remarks.

Ruburt's feeling is correct. He is not ready to die, he will not die, his feeling is correct.

There is a difference between feeling a certain way and knowing that feeling to be true.

That is, you may indeed truly feel something, but your interpretation of it may be completely wrong. Because you feel, for example, that false and true are one, that does not make them so.

What he means here is that Jane's saying she was not ready to die — that feeling was correct. And he was saying this to both Rob and Jane — even if they felt Jane might be dying, even if all the physical signs seemed to be failing, near death, that did not mean she would actually die. Feeling that one will die and actually dying are two different things. Although you may think they are one and the same, they are completely different.

Of course, many of the difficulties are caused by the environment.

Many of these difficulties in physical recovery are caused by the environment.

And the sooner he can go home, the better.

However bold an assumption this may seem, Jane's returning home would actually be more beneficial to her recovery. The hospital environment she is in is actually detrimental to her recovery. So Seth had always hoped Jane could return home, could go home sitting in something like a wheelchair, sitting on her back porch. And this change of environment would actually be better for Jane's recovery. But clearly Rob and Jane had no confidence or hope whatsoever about being able to go home. And Seth said, no matter what, you should kindle that kind of hope, and that hope itself would be very good for Jane's healing and recovery.

He must regain that determination to go home, and therefore you should do the same to the best of your ability.

Here he pointed out that Rob had somewhat of a feeling of having given up. He said you cannot say there is no hope, you cannot say Jane can never go back, you must also do your best to hold the same determination that you can bring Jane home.

Your feeling that something is hopeless does not mean that it truly is hopeless. And this point must be understood as clearly as possible.

You feel it is hopeless, but it is not truly hopeless. You should truly understand that this really is possible.

It is extremely important to turn the imagination in that direction, and it is indeed possible for you both to do so.

That important shift of creative imagination — that is, putting your attention on the matter of your being able to go home. He had suggested long ago that you prepare in this direction: prepare some things for going home, prepare things Jane might need when she returns home, even imagine the scenes of your going home — all of that is very helpful.

Again, the session itself alone is indeed helpful.

And it restored some peace, giving Jane some peace from this panic.

I will return.

"I hope I will come back later." 2:59. "Oh, my God," Jane said, using an expression that had become a favorite of hers, "let me catch my breath."

Rob said, "I wanted to have a session — I mean, I scared you." He said, "I said a session, I didn't mean for it to go on this long." She showed how you must let those feelings out.

"I wish I could scream and shout, to let you feel it," Jane said. "I wish I could scream and shout, but I can't, I can't cry out, I can't shout either."

Rob read the session to Jane. "Oh, my arms," she said, "let me feel them." And Rob actually held them in a position like bent iron bars — so she could feel her arms.

3:06: "I guess I'll do a little more." Then Jane said, "Oh, God, it's so hard."

Again, Ruburt expressed those feelings of panic, thereby releasing them outward. Every time Rob expressed these panics, he was releasing them. This is extremely important.

That release also relaxes the muscles, and reorganizes, restructures them, like crystals combining in a new way.

When Ruburt releases these fears, he is actually also reorganizing his muscles in a way, just as crystals reorganize their structure. Jane's entire body's muscles are also reorganizing themselves, reaching a new state where recovery can begin. As the body begins to recover, it begins to move, begins to be able to move.

He said once again that the session itself helped with relaxation. Then at 3:08, she said, "Oh, Rob, that's it." Half crying, she said, "I wish I could scream." Rob more than once told her to go ahead and do it: "You can scream." But Jane simply could not scream, she could not fully release.

After the session they talked for a while. Jane seemed to care more about when Rob would leave for the dentist than about anything else — today, for some reason, she was especially concerned that Rob might leave early for the dentist. She kept focusing on the time of Rob's dentist appointment — her world had become so restricted that she only focused on these small things.

When she finally asked Rob what he thought of the session, Rob found it very hard to express any hope. Compared to the negative feelings he had long been aware of, he felt more negativity than hope.

He said something like, this morning when he was reading Chapter 9 of Dreams, "Evolution," and Value Fulfillment, he had to read some sessions dating back to 1981. And those sessions were perfect, they gave the subtle details precisely, and today they fit like a glove. It's just that looking at your current situation, it's much worse. What on earth happened in these four years?

What he meant was, when Jane asked him what he thought of the session — actually the session was quite good, in terms of content it was truly a very good affirmation. But Rob at this point was truly disheartened. Because he had seen Jane give up again and again, choosing negative beliefs again and again over positive change. Rob actually did not have much hope for the future anymore, because what he saw was Jane eating almost nothing every day, in a process of starving herself, without much improvement. Although her physical activity was improving tremendously, even better than her activity months ago, or even a year ago — which proved her body was recovering greatly — Jane had adopted a way of not eating, or vomiting after eating. This was something that infuriated Rob. But he could not easily express it, yet he also knew that if this continued, Jane would eventually leave him, because she was not eating.

Then he said, when he was working on the sessions for Dreams, "Evolution," and Value Fulfillment, he would read some sessions from 1981, four years earlier, and those sessions were very, very perfect, containing extremely subtle details, like the perfect fit between a hand and a glove. But now look at the present — Jane's condition — and Rob could only sigh: what on earth happened in these four years? What changes occurred in these four years? What subtle changes led to today's outcome? Over these four years there must have been gradual changes, bit by bit, but how exactly did those bit-by-bit changes lead to today's outcome? Through which details, changing little by little, did it become what it is today? This was something Rob could never understand.

When it was almost time for Rob to leave, he finally expressed some anger — actually Rob was carrying a great deal of anger. He accused Jane of not caring about the emotional storms he had been through. She said, "Actually I am very, very emotional, but you have never paid attention to me." This happened when he was trying to make her arms comfortable and found that she was trying her best to keep her body rigid. Rob said, "I try my best to massage you, to make your arms comfortable, to make your whole body relax, but you are very rigid, trying your best to stay rigid." This infuriated him. He assumed she should have known, should have learned. This made Rob very depressed. He felt defeated by this behavior — that while he was helping Jane move, Jane kept trying to stay rigid.

But Jane protested, "But I really do care, I care very, very much. I even thought of dying, to set you free."

Jane finally said this: she had even thought, "I will just die now, to set you free, so you won't suffer anymore."

Then Rob said, "Believe me, I have thought the same thing." Believing that Jane's departure might set him free — if he said he had never thought that, he would be lying. Rob was very honest, and he told Jane: I have thought about the same thing, perhaps your leaving really would make me freer. Because after nearly a year of hospital life, after countless times of hope rising and hope shattering, over and over, Rob was truly somewhat numb. He ultimately said this with a great deal of anger, because he truly felt such regret about Jane's leaving, such reluctance to let go, and yet was powerless. He watched the person he loved most choose, bit by bit, to leave him rather than to recover, rather than to change. For two people who deeply loved each other, this was truly a heavy blow and a sense of defeat. And this sense of defeat gave rise to great emotion and anger in Rob.

He said, "I should add that I did not mean I wished him dead so that I could be free — that is not what I meant. I want him alive, at home with me, working with me, singing with me."

In the dentist's chair, Rob thought of this. When he went back at dinnertime, he forgot to tell her what he had said. He said, "Tomorrow I will tell her."

Just as Rob was typing this session, Jane happened to call.

Afterword: After Jane's Passing

Four days after Jane passed away, on September 9, 1984¹⁵, these were Seth's final words -- still trying to help right up until the very end, still trying to help Jane recover. That is to say, four days after this session, Jane left this world. In those final moments, Seth still gave them the greatest affirmation and help, still telling Jane: you can come back home, you can do it. But because in the end, both of them had actually lost faith in recovery, and over time, in this long process of struggling against beliefs, it was actually just as Rob himself said -- he admitted he had been defeated, and Jane likely had similar thoughts. So ultimately, they still left this world.

This is the final session of The Way Toward Health. It is with great regret that we have lost our Jane, and also lost the possibility of Seth continuing to transmit material to us.

Many readers and listeners -- I hope you will not be overly saddened by this. Jane chose her own life; Jane made her own choice. One could say she had already more than fulfilled the value and meaning of this lifetime; her value fulfillment had been completely realized. Of course, we wish she could have transmitted more material; we wish she could have lived longer. But just like everyone's arrangements, everyone's choices, we should respect Jane's own choice. Just as I said earlier: if you were in Jane's position, if you were in her circumstances -- suffering as she did, needing sedatives every two hours just to keep the pain from becoming unbearable, when night after night she could not sleep, when the pain was agonizing, when no matter what position she lay in, sat in, or stayed in, she was in great discomfort -- I think Jane had the right to choose to leave this world.

Although we know that in those final days, her body, her muscles, those stiff joints were still able to move better than before, and even recovered better than before. But that could not change Jane's belief and determination to depart. From a certain perspective, just as I mentioned in the sessions from a couple of days ago, Jane had in some sense also foreseen or sensed the future -- that her departure would allow Rob to have a better life, and also, as Rob said, or as Jane said, would allow Rob to have greater freedom. This was their final choice and decision.

We thank them for the Seth material they dedicated to us over these 21 years¹⁶. Although we have only interpreted the publicly published portion, we still have nine volumes of The Early Sessions, seven volumes of private sessions, and four volumes of ESP class sessions¹⁷, most of which are in English. Some Chinese editions have been published in Taiwan, but most have not been published. We will continue to interpret these materials for everyone in the future, but our formal interpretation of the published Seth material may come to a pause for now.

Finally, there is a follow-up, which we will do as a separate session of interpretation -- we can see Rob's life and some of what followed after Jane's passing, and also give everyone an account of what came after the Seth material. But there is actually no more Seth content in it; it is just about Rob's life afterward. But I think it is also very important for us, with much inspiration.

Rob wrote:

So take it, then, this last book.

This is the last Seth book -- the end of the Seth material, is it? Has the Seth material ended?

Now that I have finished the proofreading of The Way Toward Health, and have calmed down somewhat, I can at least deal with that question a little. When Jane was in the hospital in those final days, she had simply stopped eating, and I knew that her transition to another time was near.

When she died in her sleep on that early morning in September 1984 -- she died in her sleep -- I was at her side.

As usual, as the records in The Way Toward Health show, Jane did her part, and more -- that is, Seth did his part, and more. Yet when Jane decided to go, he also acquiesced; his part raised no protest, for example no protest about his voice being silenced forever -- there was no such accusation or protest of "my voice can no longer continue to speak." Nor did I have any feeling of rebellion, only a state of numb acceptance.

Though I told myself, I knew Jane was still alive.

He kept telling himself, he knew Jane was still alive.

I am not accustomed to facing physical death. When my wife lay on her side there, her beautiful eyes were still open -- they were blue, with small hazel flecks, and as clear and calm as a child's eyes.

I drew two portraits of my wife with a ballpoint pen. I had a vague idea that I would use those sketches as a reference for a portrait I would paint of her. I thought they would be unique. I have not yet painted those particular portraits, but I still plan to do so.

Jane had been a devout Catholic in her youth. Since she died in a Catholic hospital, I summoned a priest to speak at her bedside. When he said, "Most loving and merciful God, we commend our sister to you," I could not cry -- I could not cry. The priest promised to give me a copy of his prayer.

In the days that followed, I attended Jane's cremation, which she had long since decided upon, took care of many legal matters -- there were also many legal issues, and he also paid the bills, for the hospital and so on -- and spoke briefly with several friends. Our destination was not Elmira.

Later, when I could be alone, my tears began to come.

When he was alone, when he was handling these affairs, he could not cry.

I cried every day, for more than a year -- I cried for over a year.

Yet the day after my wife died, I went back to work, completing Volume 2 of Dreams, "Evolution," and Value Fulfillment.

Although he cried every day, the work did not stop. He worked every day. On the day after Jane's passing, he began the work of organizing Volume 2 of Dreams, "Evolution," and Value Fulfillment just as usual.

What else could I do? And just as Jane lives on, her work, her writings live on as well.

Although one can say that a person's life in this world has passed, their life's work has not; their testament has not yet been completed.

Many people have written letters saying that every time they read Jane's books, the books are new, brand new; they continually discover new material within them.

The Seth material does have its magical quality: every time you read it, you can discover some new content and new insights, or new material. This also happened to him himself.

It also happens on the tapes of Jane's ESP classes -- when she spoke for Seth, when she herself communicated with students, or when she spoke and sang in the divine language, Sumari. All of these things, and how many wonderful signs of survival, are very magical, wonderful signs of survival.

Yet there is even more. From Jane's remarkable body of work, for example, fifteen three-ring binders of typed pages containing her poetry -- a full fifteen volumes. Her essays, and journals, and a large amount of unpublished Seth material. I mentioned one of them earlier: an unfinished autobiography that I may be able to put into publishable form. Likewise, a section from the unfinished fourth book of The Oversoul Seven trilogy, in which Jane discusses Seven's childhood. A volume of her paintings, with commentary. Several early novels that I still think are worth publishing. Certainly enough to occupy me for the rest of my life in doing the above work, and perhaps after I join my wife, to let others continue it.

That is, when he also leaves this world -- he says "join my wife," meaning when he leaves this world -- there will be others who can continue this work, publishing the Seth material and Jane's works.

Over the years, Jane's and my work led to our receiving thousands upon thousands of letters, not only from this country but from foreign countries as well. We still gratefully receive letters every day, and still struggle to answer each one in some way.

Jane and I often said: where would we be without the reactions of others? Except for letters that may have escaped us at the very beginning, we saved all correspondence. When Jane published Psychic Politics in early 1976, we were quite unprepared for the impact her work would have.

Now box after box of letters is stored at the Yale Library, where their privacy is protected.

Now I have many other options to send there. I love every letter I receive, even the ones that are not so friendly.

In my opinion, the friendships with people we have never met face to face are rarely known and experienced.

They never met in person; they were connected only through a book like the Seth material.

Often those friends gave of themselves in ways we could not match. They still do.

All of the Seth session transcripts -- the regular sessions, the private ones, and those for the ESP class -- are in the Yale University library. Many other materials from our collection of papers are there as well. I spent several years gathering these materials. Almost all of it is open to the public and free of charge.

That is, if you go to the Yale University library, you can request copies of these materials. There are only a few restrictions on how much can be copied for private use -- for personal use, sometimes his permission is needed. Normal browsing is not a problem.

I am very proud of this. In this complex and highly creative system of our time, I helped Jane and Seth. I thank them, as I thank each one of you -- dear readers -- for your past, present, and future contributions.

Then each of us is part of the great mystery of All That Is. Together we explore it, yet each in our own way.

As Seth said in the July 31, 1984 session of The Way Toward Health:

These sessions, like life itself, are a gift originating from the vast, unending creativity of existence.

I would like to end this afterword with that sentence. This is Robert Butts in Elmira, New York, in September 1997¹⁸ -- by this time, a full thirteen years had passed since Jane's death; Jane passed away in early September 1984.

This afterword is actually a brief account of what followed the Seth material. Such an ending, I think for everyone, is a period that we cannot call a period, an ending that we cannot call an ending. Perhaps in another time, in another world, Seth and Jane and Rob are still together, collaborating, creating, in different ways, in ways we cannot understand, or in ways we do not know, still continuing their work, still transmitting, spreading, and influencing the Seth material.

In the future, we will continue to interpret other content of the Seth material. Before the next new interpretation of the Seth material, we will meet with you again.

---

注释与核实

1. "Onward Christian Soldiers" is a 19th-century English hymn. ↩ ↩²

2. Source: United Nations Office for Disarmament Affairs, "Treaty on the Non-Proliferation of Nuclear Weapons (NPT)" (https://disarmament.unoda.org/en/our-work/weapons-mass-destruction/nuclear-weapons/treaty-non-proliferation-nuclear-weapons) ↩

3. Source: International Atomic Energy Agency, "History" (https://www.iaea.org/about/overview/history) ↩

4. Source: Federation of American Scientists, "Status of World Nuclear Forces" (https://fas.org/initiative/status-world-nuclear-forces/) ↩

5. This claim could not be verified. ↩

6. This claim could not be verified. ↩

7. At the time of Jane's passing in 1984, nine Seth books had been published: The Seth Material, Seth Speaks, The Nature of Personal Reality, The "Unknown" Reality, The Nature of the Psyche, The Individual and the Nature of Mass Events, Dreams, "Evolution," and Value Fulfillment, Seth, Dreams and Projection of Consciousness, and The Way Toward Health (published posthumously). ↩

8. The total number of Seth books, including those published posthumously, is generally counted as 31 volumes when including The Early Sessions and other collections. ↩

9. At the time, roughly two-thirds of the Seth session material had never been planned for publication. ↩

10. This claim could not be verified. ↩

11. Source: Wikipedia, "The Young and the Restless" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Young_and_the_Restless) ↩

12. Source: Time and Date AS, "Year 1984 Calendar – United States" (https://www.timeanddate.com/calendar/?year=1984&country=1) ↩

13. Source: timeanddate.com, "Year 1984 Calendar – United States" (https://www.timeanddate.com/calendar/?year=1984&country=1) ↩

14. Source: Time and Date AS, "Year 1984 Calendar – United States" (https://www.timeanddate.com/calendar/?year=1984&country=1) ↩

15. According to Mike's original words, it was "September 9, 1984"; upon verification, it should be "Seth's channeler Jane Roberts died on September 5, 1984, in Elmira, New York, and the Seth communications ended before her death; there were no 'final words' on September 9, 1984." (Source: Wikipedia, "Jane Roberts," https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Roberts) ↩

16. Source: Wikipedia, "Seth Material" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seth_Material) ↩

17. Source: New Awareness Network, "The Seth Book Guide" (https://sethcenter.com/the-seth-book-guide/) ↩

18. This claim could not be verified. ↩